iCarly

Freddie: Oh hey! Awesome party! Carly: Yeah! Freddie: You wanna go out in the hall and kiss? Carly: No. Freddie: Yeah, me neither!

(on the iCarly webcast) Carly: Okay, this first kid we're gonna show you can take a glass of milk- Sam: -this is so deliciously gross- Carly: -snort the milk up into his nose... Sam: And it's the best thing ever! Carly: And then make the milk squirt out of his eyes! Sam: I wanna marry this boy!

Sam: Is that a new shirt? I don't like it. Freddie: I don't have to take that! Sam: Yeah you do.

Freddie: And um, you're gonna need a technical producer, right? To set up the lights, audio, work the camera... Sam: Aww...he wants to be our geek. Freddie: You got a big mouth, lady!

Carly: Seriously! Ms. Briggs is the worst! Sam: You don't gotta convince me! I hated her even after she got that brown lump removed from her nose!

Carly: Um, we had some trouble putting the video online, so here's a DVD of every kid who auditioned on Saturday. Ms. Briggs: Thank you! Carly: Sure! Ms. Briggs: I'll try not to poke a hole in this with my pointy bosoms!

Carly: Where's Ms. Briggs? What if she saw it? Sam: The video was off by yesterday morning. Carly: What if she saw it before it was off? Sam: It was Sunday, she was probably in church! Carly: What church would let Ms. Briggs in the door?!

Freddie: (reading the comment boards on Splashface about Carly and Sam) And this kid says, "You guys are way better than most of the puke here on Splashface." Sam: Wow. They love us! Carly: Yeah. More than puke...

Sam: (about a boy who auditioned) Can we please discuss the boy's hair and glasses? He looks like Ms. Briggs! Carly: Yeah! Except he doesn't have Ms. Briggs' crazy pointy boobs! Sam: I know! What is up with those? Carly: It's like she stuffs waffle cones in her bra! Sam: Totally! I mean, she can poke an eye out with one of those things!

Sam: (walking in) Hey! You invited the doof! Carly: Sam... Freddie: Aw, man! I didn't know that was gonna be here! Sam: She! I'm a she, Freddie, as in GIRL! Freddie: Barely!

Carly: I have to tape a bunch of auditions at school on Saturday. Spencer: Fun! Carly: Yeah not really. Anyway, would you let me borrow your video camera? Spencer: I would. Carly: Awesome. Spencer: Though I can't... Carly: Why not? Spencer: I made it into a squirrel.

Freddie: Hey, I hear you need to borrow a camcorder, to tape some auditions? Carly: Yeah, but I'll just use my brother's. Freddie: Oh. Well if you change your mind, you know my digits! (takes out his cell phone) Carly: Hey, you got a new cell phone. Freddie: You can have it!

Carly: I thought we talked about this. We can be buds, but you gotta get over this crush thing. Freddie: I am over it! Seriously! I'm in love with you, you just want to be friends, and I'm totally cool living with that constant pain!

Carly: Well, here's an idea: Stop doing bad things! Sam: Hey... chillax! Carly: (angrily) I will not chillax!

Sam: Did you get in trouble? Carly: 'Course I got in trouble! Teachers tend to get upset when you put their heads on the bodies of big fat animals!

Principal Franklin: So, I understand you put some flyers up all over the school. Carly: Yes sir, I did. Ms. Briggs: Punk!

Sam: (referring to the Splashface video) Look, see the view count? Only twenty-seven people have clicked on it. Carly: (breathes out a sigh of relief) Oh. Okay, good. (Sam and Carly look at the screen again) Sam? Sam: Yeah? Carly: THAT'S TWENTY-SEVEN THOUSAND!!

(Talking to Freddie) Sam: Carly will never love you.

Sam: Why do they put a bone right in the middle of a ham?

Carly: Sam, come on. Sam: Sorry, I had to pee. Carly: You always have to pee. Sam: Well, it's either that or I explode.

Carly: What time is your mom coming to pick you up? Sam: She's not, I told her you invited me to spend the night. Carly: I didn't invite you to spend the night. Sam: Well you should because I'm not leaving.

Carly: You know, anybody but me would punch you right in the head. Sam: Which is why you are my best friend. Carly: Good to know, now why are you mine? Sam: Because I'm a lovable person.

Carly: Freddie, were you just looking out your peephole waiting for me to come home? Freddie: No! Carly: Freddie... Freddie: Yes!

(Spencer falls from ceiling onto floor) Carly: I can't believe you're in charge of me.

Freddie: That's it! I'm taking my stuff and I'm going home! (referring to his camera equipment after being insulted by Sam) Carly: Please stay. Freddie: Okay.