iCarly

Freddie: Mayday, mayday, mayday! We have a situation! Carly: What's wrong? Freddie: I think Nevel's grandmother just walked in! Sam: Don't worry, Nevel said she's hopelessly confused.

Nevel: (From the computer screen) Surprise! (Evil laugh) Aww, it's so cute how you tried to crash my website. But who failed? You did!

Nevel: What are you people doing here?! I demand a - Colonel Morgan: Quiet! Nevel: Yes, sir!

Freddie: Who are you calling? Carly: You'll see. Sam: Are you ordering pizza? Carly: No!!

Carly: (She sneaks into Nevel's house) Sam, where are you? Sam: In the kitchen. Carly: How'd you get in here? Sam: Back door was open.

Tom Higgenson: Before we do this song, I want to thank Carly's brother, Spencer, for saving my life. Spencer, you're a heck of a guy and you wear some rocking socks! Spencer: (He shows his socks to everyone) It's true!

Nevel: I am the source of iCarly's technical difficulties! Carly: Well knock it off!

Carly: Spencer! Sam: That's you! Carly: You're like a hero! Spencer: Like? Freddie: So did you get an autograph from Tom Higgenson? Spencer: Better! I didn't have any paper so he signed my back!

Nevel: Wait! They're taking my equipment! They can't do that! Colonel Morgan: Oh yes they can! And I can also place you under military arrest! Nevel: No! No please, I'm just a young boy! Colonel Morgan: (grabbing Nevel's long-haired wig) Huh? Nevel: (taking off the wig) A boy! Trust me!

Freddie: Well, we can't do iCarly as long as Nevel controls our site! Nevel: (appearing on the computer screen) So true! Carly: Get off my monitor! (runs over and unplugs the computer)

Spencer: Hey. Which socks do you think I should wear when the Plain White T's come here? Blue stripes with golden pineapples? (holds up one sock) Or aqua with fushia palm trees? (holds up another sock) Carly: Wear one of each! Spencer: That's brilliant! Look at you, thinking outside the socks!

Nevel's Grandmother: (walks into the house past Freddie, who is dangling from the ceiling, then turns around and squints at him) Ohhh, spider!

Carly: Woah! Okay Freddie, we're in Nevel's nerd cave. What do we do?

Freddie: He messed with iCarly.com, we're gonna mess with nevelocity.com! Carly: You think you can hack him back? Freddie: Yeah. We just gotta sneak into his house so I can get to his computer. And then, when he realizes that we can crash his site, he'll leave iCarly alone! Carly: Nice! Sam: Wow, Freddie. I like seeing you get all feisty. Freddie: That's the Freddie way. Carly: I thought the Freddie way was a toasted bagel with grape jelly? Freddie: That's the Freddie breakfast way!

Sam: Do you know how huge it would be for iCarly to have the Plain White T's on? Carly: Yes! Freddie: Then we're not cancelling the show. (to Spencer) Tell Tom we'll be ready. Spencer: Yay! I go dial!

Spencer: (after speaking to someone on his cell phone) OH MY GOD. That was Tom Higgenson. He said YES! I got you the Plain White T's for iCarly next week! (Carly, Sam, and Freddie are silent) ...Guys, calm down!

Carly: Freddie, what do you think went wrong? Freddie: I'm not sure but, I'd bet an entire month's allowance all my equipment was working perfectly. Carly: Wow, you'd bet a whole eight bucks?

Carly: Ok guys, it looks like we're having some minor technical difficulties. Sam: So, while we get them fixed- Carly: Please enjoy this picture of an old lady biting a brick!

Carly: Well, how's he doing it? Freddie: (typing on his laptop) I don't know. Somehow, Nevel hacked into my computer and was able to control everything in our studio! Carly: Well, this horrible! Sam: (holding a cup of hot chocolate) You know what else is horrible? You're out of mini marshmallows! Carly: Sam! Freddie: This is a crisis situation! Sam: Nah, I'll just...use this big one! (puts a big marshmallow into her cup)

Sam: Look Nevel, you better just back off or I'm gonna squeeze your big round melon-head 'til it pops!

Nevel: That's right, I hacked your website. I told you I'd get revenge! Carly: No, you said I'd "rue the day." Nevel: Same thing!!

(on the iCarly webcast) Carly: Hello, people of Earth, Jupiter, and Wisconsin! I'm Carly, which rhymes with barley! Sam: And I'm Sam- Carly: -which rhymes with ham!

(on the iCarly webcast) Carly: Okay, we've got an awesome show for you guys tonight. Sam: And we're gonna kick it off by showing you a freakish video. Carly: Sent in by an iCarly viewer- Sam: -of a cat meowing the national anthem! Carly: God Bless Ameowica!

(on the iCarly webcast) Carly: Hello, Internetolonians! Sam: Greetings, Webites! Carly: If you're here to see a live autopsy of an alien- Sam: You've come to the wrong URL!

Freddie: Benji's flaking on us. Benji: I'm not flaking! Sam: Benji! Benji: Come on! The Plain White T's are signing autographs at the Westburg Mall! Sam: (excitedly) The Plain White T's are in town?! Carly: I love them! Benji: So it's cool if I miss iCarly? Carly: No!

Colonel Morgan: For Carly, a handmade laptop case from Switzerland! Carly: Woah! I love Swiss laptop cases! Colonel Morgan: And for Spencer, a two-foot long Italian meat stick! (hands Spencer half eaten meat stick) Spencer: This is two feet? Colonel Morgan: It was, 'til I had lunch.

Carly: (hears the doorbell ring and runs to look through the peep hole) No way! (opens door) Colonel Morgan! Colonel Morgan: What's up, buttercup? Carly: Permission to hug? Colonel Morgan: Permission granted!

Carly: Hey! Spencer: What? Carly: Oh, nevermind, I shouldn't ask. Spencer: Ok. Carly: Will you ask the Plain White T's to perform on iCarly?! Spencer: Will you take a digital picture of my back? Carly: Yes! Spencer: Then yes!

Carly: Great! Where are we going to find another kid that can fit his entire foot in his mouth? Sam: (sees Gibby walk by) Hey Gibby! You wanna be on iCarly? Gibby: Totally! What do I gotta do? Sam: I'll show ya! (pushes Gibby down and tries to force his foot in his mouth) Freddie: She's not like other girls. Carly: No.

Freddie: Hey guys, bad news. Sam: (sarcastically) The doctors can't fix your face?

Sam: I can't believe Mr. Cline gave me a D on that test. How'd I get a D? Carly: You only answered half the questions, then told Mr.Cline the test was stupid, then burped, then left. Sam: And that's not worth a D+?

Sam: Wow, I used to rate geeks on a scale of one to Freddie. But I think Nevel just broke that scale.

Freddie: I'll bet you this month's allowance that my equipment was working perfectly. Carly: Wow you'd bet a whole eight bucks! Sam: Your mom only gives you eight bucks a month? Freddie: She's afraid that if she gives me more, I'll buy a bus ticket and leave her. Carly: That's so dumb. Freddie: Yeah, not really.

Nevel: But, look at the bright side. Freddie: What bright side? Nevel: There is none! Hah!