iCarly Season 1 Episode 8

Ms. Briggs: You see! That silly comedy you girls do is no match for my true musical artistry!
Sam: (sarcastically) You are so right!
Carly: Thank you for teaching us that important lesson.

Sam: (about putting Ms. Briggs on iCarly) Don't do it, Carls! She's not even playing yet and I'm already bored out of my mind!

Ms. Briggs: I won't suspend you from school or call the police, if you let me perform an original bagpipe song on your web show!
Freddie: You want to be on iCarly?!
Sam: Just call the cops on us!

Freddie: iCarly's great. Thousands of people watch it every week!
Ms. Briggs: Thousands?
Sam: That's a pretty big booger!

Carly: Uh, look Ms. Briggs, we never meant to sneak into your house.
Ms. Briggs: Then explain why you did.
Carly: Well...we were videotaping you for our web show to sort of see what teachers are like when they're not in school.
Ms. Briggs: Ah, your web show. iCarly. I've seen it. Nothing more than mucus in the nose of the digital age!
Carly: (to Sam) Did she just call our show a booger?

Ms. Briggs: (talking to her Randy Jackson cut-out) Well, good afternoon, Randy Jackson! Oh, you are looking spiffy today! Now, is there something you'd like to say to me? (presses a button on the cut-out)
Randy Jackson cut-out: Yeah, we got us a hot one tonight, baby!

Sam: How come you didn't ask your new girlfriend to model for you?
Spencer: I broke up with Connie. Found out she was juggling for other guys!

Kid: Ms. Briggs, I picked you an orange from my mother's tree!
Ms. Briggs: (takes the orange) I hate citrus fruit! (throws it on the floor and steps on it) Now get to class!

Sam: I love her brain!
Carly: My brain says thanks!

Sam: That Ms. Briggs is a joy, isn't she?
Carly: I wonder what she does when she's not in school.
Freddie She probably spits on puppies!

(bell rings)
Ms. Briggs: (using a bullhorn) Hey! Get to class! You! Stop laughing! I said get to class! Respect the bullhorn!

Sam: I can't believe Mr. Stearn would go to a concert.
Freddie: Yeah, you don't really think about teachers having lives outside of school.
Sam: I always thought they just locked 'em up in the teachers' lounge at night!

Carly: I like Tareen, but after she talks to me, I feel like I need a nap!

Ms. Briggs: I might even call the police!
Sam: Or you could just let us run away, while you angrily shake your fist in the air and scream, "You rotten kids!"

Freddie: Uh, I'm sorry I tripped on your bagpipes...
Carly: Are they ok?
Ms. Briggs: NO!!

(Ms. Briggs answers the phone)
Ms. Briggs: Briggs.
Sam: Hello ma'am. Have you purchased any suspicious milk lately?
Ms. Briggs: Suspicious milk? Who is this?!

Sam: I thought you were sculpting me for the past three hours!
Spencer: Well I started off sculpting you, but then I started thinking about aquariums and...he happened! (He motions to the fish sculpture)
Sam: Then why am I still here?
Spencer: I get lonely.

(Freddie and Carly are in Ms. Brigg's storeroom)
Carly: Freddie?
Freddie: Yeah?
Carly: Am I hallucinating or are we surrounded by two thousand Randy Jacksons?

Sam: So, how do I be a sculpture model?
Spencer: Ah. You just sit over there, and do nothing!
Sam: Cool, just like school!

Freddie: This is a quality piece of spy equipment!
Sam: My Aunt Maggie's boobs look more real than that, and they're ridiculous!

Sam: (About the green screen) Can you make it look like I'm standing on your face?
Freddie: Must you always attack me with words?
Sam: You want me to use rocks?

Sam: Ugh, class was so boring.
Carly: How would you know? You were asleep the whole time.
Sam: Then I guess I dreamed class
was boring.
Carly: Well your dream came true.

Spencer: Hey, thanks for doing this.
Sam: No prob!
Spencer: How come you're not hanging with Carly and Freddie?
Sam: A person can only take so much Freddie.

Carly: The green screen!
Freddie: What about the green screen?
Carly: Do you have it set up?
Freddie: Uh yeah, but I haven't tried it yet. I was gonna test it out-
Carly: Test it now!
Freddie: Or I'll test it now!
Sam: He'll test it now!

Randy Jackson cut-out: That was hot, yo!
Carly: Oh, please be quiet Randy Jackson.

(Carly and Freddie are trapped in Ms. Brigg's storeroom)
Freddie: You know, this might not be so bad. Just you and me, together...alone.
Carly: Okay, we are in a serious situation here! This is no time for you to bust a move!

Ms. Briggs: (sniffing the air) Freddie! (sniffs some more) Mmm! You smell delightful!
Freddie: Thanks, Ms. Briggs.
Ms. Briggs: Mmm! (walks away)
Carly: Randy Jackson cologne?
Freddie: It smells tight, dawg!

Freddie: Get out of here, you stupid bee! I think it wants my pie!
Carly: That is a stupid bee!

Freddie: I don't need a robot girlfriend, 'cause twenty years from now, I guarantee you I will be Carly's second husband.
Carly: What happened to my first husband?
Freddie: Nothing you can prove.

Freddie: This is just a normal piece of pie that doesn't record anything!
Spencer: But there's a big lense on the side.
Freddie: Oh just forget it! (He walks away)