I'm Alan Partridge

Season 1 Episode 3

Watership Alan

Aired Monday 10:00 PM Nov 17, 1997 on BBC Two
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Episode Summary

Alan has upset the local farming community with some ill-judged comments regarding farming practice. Whilst presenting a boating holiday promotional video, the farmers retaliate with some rather choice insults shouted from the bank of the river... and with a large, dead cow.

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Peter Baynham

Peter Baynham

Hugh Morris

Guest Star

Doon MacKichan

Doon MacKichan


Guest Star

Chris Morris

Chris Morris

Peter Baxendale Thomas

Guest Star

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (0)

  • QUOTES (8)

    • Alan: You do actually sound like a bond villain. Dr No...vocal chords.

    • Alan: You are a big posh sod with plums in your mouth.
      Peter Baxendale Thomas: I don't think this has got anything to do with class.
      Alan: And the plums have mutated and they've got beaks.
      Peter Baxendale Thomas: Beaks!?
      Alan: Yes beaks.
      Peter Baxendale Thomas: Have you got any more of this or do you want to stop at quacking plums?
      Alan: No, no, you make pigs smoke.

    • Michael: Can I get you a drink?
      Alan: Have you got any tonic water... with some ice... and er, a segment of lemon.... and could you top it up with some Gordon's Gin?
      Michael:[looking slightly bewildered] A gin and tonic?
      Alan: Yeah that's right.

    • Alan: You farmers, you er, don't like outsiders do you? Like to stick to your own.
      Peter Baxendale Thomas: What do you mean by that?
      Alan: I've seen the big-eared boys on farms.
      Peter Baxendale Thomas: For goodness sake this is all...
      Alan: If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there's a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who's also your brother.

    • Peter Baxendale Thomas: Listen, you've upset half the farmers in this community. You seem to alienate everybody you come across, including, I gather, your wife, which is why you end up living like some bloody tramp in a lay-by.

    • Alan: Yeah, can I just read you something from Top Gear magazine? No, it's alright, I've got it here, I've got it here. [Opens the magazine on the bed and reads] "With a mere ninety break-horse-power available, progress is too leisurely to be called fast, but on the motorway in fifth gear the Megane's slow pace really becomes a pain. Uphill runs become power-sappingly mundane, while overtaking National Express coaches can become a long, drawn-out affair." Not my words, Carol, the words of Top Gear magazine. [Click] Hello?

    • Alan: Lynn's a good worker, but, I suppose she's a bit like Bert Reynolds. Very reliable, but she's got a moustache.

    • Alan: Robert a bit slow on the uptake, there. I don't know what he had for breakfast. Presumably an infected spinal column in a bap. Just making a quick joke there about how infected cattle feed can attack the central nervous system.

  • NOTES (0)