Man this episode was....well.....garbage
2.0
"Terrible"
As usual, I'm writing this review as I watch the episode.
So on with the review.....
Could they make Larkin's character ANY stupider? Man I feel sorry for the actress playing her. I wonder if she realizes she's playing an individual with an IQ barely exceeding room temperature.
I won't rehash the idiotic things she did two episodes back. My review of that episode was encyclopedia length already.
However, this episode, so far, my eyes were rolling the whole time she was on the screen, doing one asinine thing after another.
She sees a car is folowing her. What does she do? Drive to a crowded area where she will be safe among other people? No, she smashes through some sort of roadside barrier and takes off into the wet mud, figuring she can just off-road it to get away......to where? The swamp?
Then she drives at top speed around turns on wet muddy roads in the rain, while her head is turned around BACKWARDS to see if anyone was following her. i swear as soon as she turned off the main road I knew she was going to wreck. The only question is whether the car following her would be smart enough to follow. Miraculously, and conveniently, they weren't.
So she crashes. So she's laying there unable to unbuckle her seatbelt. So, instead of simply leaning her seat back and slipping out of the seat, she breaks the rearview mirror to get some glass shards to saw away at the seatbelt.
And immediately slices a gash into her forearm.
Sigh....poor Larkin.
Poor, poor intelligence of a lobotomized hippo Larkin.
So at the end of the last scene in which she is still trapped in the car, we see her desperately screaming at her radio that is laying in the back seat. Scream louder Larkin....then the radio will work! Poor Larkin.
So, the next scene, we see her wandering through the swamp...all alone...without her radio. You remember the radio..the one that Russ had been trying to contact her on for God knows how long. The one she was frantically trying to grab as she sawed away at her arm ... oops ... I mean the seatbelt. Yeah...that's th e one. She forgot it. lef tit in the stupid car.
Poor Larkin.
Poor, poor dumber than a bag of hammers Larkin.
And then, does she wander back down the muddy path her car bulldozed for all of 20 yards before crashing? Back to the main road she was dumb enough to turn off of? No. She wanders into the swamp.
Sigh.
So then she finds a corpse. This was actualyl a stroke of luck because she finally met someone capable of thinking on the same level as her.
And then Russ finds her shoe in the mud. Hmm. She steps out of her shoe after travelling on foot for at least 50 yards (the distance Russ said he had been tracking her) and she was too dumb to bend over and put it back on.
Wow.
Then we see her at the car with the dead man in it. I guess the writers wanted to add some scary suspense or something, so they have her smash in the rear window and then reach through it, pushing past the corpse to unlock the front door so she can open it. Umm...couldn't she have just smashed the front window? Or maybe the passenger side one?
Poor Larkin.
Poor, poor Hannibal made her eat portions of her own brain Larkin.
Now..I have to admit, I liked the pine scented leaf thing haning from the rear view mirror of the corpse's car. Nice touch. Guess it must've really been working overtime.
Now, I understand she's frustrated after pulling the log out of the corpse's gut and then pulling his 250 pound carcass out of the driver's seat (one-handed I might add...she may be dumb, but the girl is strong), but when she has her little fit, banging on the steering wheel, I really have trouble feeling sorry for her since the actual owner of the vehicle is a 2-week old corpse laying on the ground beside the car she's trying to steal. Now don't get me wrong. I have no problem with her taking the car and leaving the dead guy for gator-food. I'd do the same thing in her situation. But, I just can't help feeling more sorry for the dead fat guy who's been rotting in his car for 14 days and is now going to be left to be chomped on by the local wildlife.
And then, since she was too dumb to pick up her own shoe when she somehow stepped out of it while walking (no...it happens to me all the time), she steals the dead guy's shoes.
Poor dead guy.
Poor, poor shoeless dead guy.
Ok. We get a glimpse into the weird childhood bonding rituals betwen Larkin and Dave. Apparantly Larkin used to hide from Dave in the same spot repeatedly and throw berries at him when he couldn't find her. And apparantly this happened quite often. And apparantly Dave fell for it time and time again. Apparantly stupidity is genetic because we've finally found someone dumber than Larkin.
Poor Dave.
Poor, poor berry covered Dave.
Quick question. If Larkin had trouble not stepping out of her own shoes, ones that presumably fit, how is she going to keep the shoes of a much larger man on her feet. Won't they be that much more of a challenge for the cranial challenged dear?
So she gets in the hillbilly truck and doesn't notice the bloody knife in the floorboard. It's really not her day is it? Not since season one and two of '24' and the awesome plight(s) of Kim Bauer have we seen a heroine have such a, well, such a really bad day.
And at this point, the episode isn't even half over yet.
So the "fisherman" tells her he can take her no further than the main road. Then he will drop her off. She seems concerned about this. She is about to panic. I dunno, I'd feel pretty good about getting off at the main road and away from this weird fisherman guy. I mean, it's a "main road" right? So at the main road, won't she find, I dunno, other people who can maybe give her a ride? I dunno, but she really seems to want to ride with this "fisherman" guy.
Wow.
Ok. They'er getting cose to the main road. Larkin starts having pains. The "fisherman" wants to stop at a crapped out old shop odf some sort and break into it so she can, well, I'm not sure exactly what she's supposed to do here. She's pregnant, injured, possibly losing the baby and they stop because this ramshackle shed "might have a bathroom". That's it guys. Go have a quick pee. That'll take care of everything. And Larkin thanks him and asks him not to leave her. How about refusing to get out of the truck and telling him to drive your ass to the dang hospital Larkin?
No jokes about that one. It's just too stupid for words.
Now, the fisherman sends Russ and Dave off, lying about Larkin's wherabouts. He has something planned for her. Why he suddenly has an interest in her when he didn't want to let her in the truck in the first place is beyond me. If he wants to keep her with him (for whatever nefarious reason) wouldn't he have been eager to get her in the truck in the first place? Wouldn't he have said he'd be happy to take her to the hospital, and then taken her to this shack? Why bother telling her he's going to dump her at the main road? Why, if he didn't want to let her in the truck in the first place, is he suddenly interested in her now?
Maybe he's one of the Others and wants to take her baby. If only Charlie were here to rescue her.
Larkin finishes puking and cleaning up in the god-awful flithy sink and teh fisherman tells her they are stuck there. Hey! the pains went away! I guess that magic bathroom did the trick after all! I'm such an idiot!
Larkin asks about the noise she heard. Was he talking to someone? She thought she heard a car. But, dumbass that she is, she didn't bother coming out of the bathroom to investigate these sounsd of salvation as soon as she heard them. Well, I guess we can excuse that oversight. After all, the magic bathroom needed time to heal her grievous wounds.
Sigh.
Getting off the Larkin soapbox for a second...
We find out what has been bothering Jesse about Mariel. It's not how distant she has become or how weird she has been acting. It's not the fact that she smells different as Rose so aptly put it. Nope. He saw her kiss Tom a few years ago before the divorce. That's what that story has been building up to. How very......ummmm.....soap opera. But hey, at least she puts his mind at ease. "Divorce sucks, Jesse." Great parenting skills there Mariel.
Back to the Larkin thrashing already in progress.
HEY! Larkin found a clue!!! Clinton sent troops in '94. The kid can't be 9. He must be 11! Ok. Was there ever a kid to begin with? Or is the whole thing fabricated? Either way, shouldn't the fisherman know what year troops were sent? And can't he do the math if he's going to use this story? We'll see. But I'm just oh so proud of Larkin for firguring out that this guy might not be entirely on the up and up.
Another quick diversion. The scene where Russ and Dave are riding in the truck right after Larkin figures out that the fisherman might be a creep....the background out the passenger side window is the worst fake background I've seen in a long time. Blue screen, green screen, whatever. Didn't Hollywood master this stuff a long time ago? Why does this scene look so fake?
Jesse and Mariel made up. Awww....I think I'm gonna hurl.
Back to Larkin's story...
Oh
My
God
How
Stupid
!!!!!
The fisherman takes her back out to the truck and they take the time to have a leisurely conversation about the squid the guy caught. So the squid, and the money it represents to the fisherman, is the reason he was willing to leave an injured pregnant woman on the side of the road forcing her to barge her way into the truck.
Uh huh.
Upon seeing the squid and hearing that the military is involved, Larkin's spidey sense suddenly perks up. Ooooo...a clue for her story! Never mind the dying baby she's carrying...that there is a whopper of a squid. Larkin smells Pulitzer!!! WOO HOO!!! Keep on talking crazy fisherman dude!
Oh...and how convenient that of all the people who could have driven by at the exact moment she stumbles from the swamp, the driver happens to be someone with first-hand clues that will help her investigation. Wow!
So, the fisherman takes off when he sees Russ and Dave driving up. Umm...why the hell did he send them away in the first place? He wanted to get his money for the squid so he's in a hurry and didn't want to pick her up in the first place. This makes no sense. I hope they say what was going on here before the end of the episode or I'm gonna have to assume it's just crap writing.
Well, it's crap writing regardless...but anyway...
Is there anyone that Mariel doesn't tend to in the hospital? She's what? Chief of staff or whatever? What exactly is her specialty? Last I checked, Chief of staff isn't a specialty...it's a job title. Larkin comes in, a high-risk pregnancy with injuries, trauma both psychological and physical and Mariel takes over. No OB/GYN in sight. Hey...who needs a competant specialist? Mariel's a friend of the family after all...she can handle it!!
Blech!!!
Ah...they called her doctor...."He's on his way in." Still.....you'd think there would be an attending OB/GYN somewhere on the premises. I mean....you'd think.
You have got to be kidding me. Tom hired some guy to fish a squid out of the flipping swamp so he could show it to Larkin and throw her off track? In order to accomplish this, the fisherman HAD to fake an accent because there are no American born fisherman around I guess. Fortunate I guess that while tracking Larkin down, she stumbled out of the woods just as he was driving by. But I'm still confused. What the hell was the point of him telling her he wouldn't let her in the truck at first? There was ZERO reason for that. There was ZERO reason to tell her that he was going to dump her at the main road. Why did he bother with the stupid story about his 9-year old son? It was totally unnecessary given his real motives. He could have just kept his stupid mouth shut. I can see why he took her to the roadside fruit stand. Tom wanted him to stall. Ooooook. Gotcha. Stall until he could find out who the people in the car were who chased her off the road. They, of course were Air Force, still overtly following her everywhere she goes, but never stopping to talk to her. Why the hell did they let her leave the base in the first place? It's the flipping military! You break into their base, they arrest you and force you to explain yourself. Simple. Why bother shadowing her in the first place? God this is stupid!
I would honestly be dissapointed in this episode if the whole series didn;t suck so bad in the first place. It's one of those shows which, like a wreck on the side of the road, you just have to slow down and crane your neck at...just to see how bad it really is. I just can't stop watching, if for no other reason than to see how horribly stupid they make Larkin.
Congrats Invasion writers....you have a loyal viewer here! Keep the idiocy coming!!!