Commissioner: They say that one picture says a thousand words, and I doubt that you subscribe to this ignominious semi-monthly publication.
Ironside: (taking a copy of the Bare Truth magazine title article "My Nights with Ironside", from the Commissioner) "In this issue part one, Lady of the Evening reveals she spent many long lonely nights with Chief Ironside of the San Francisco Police Department. Be sure and buy our next issue in two weeks and read part two. We promise to answer the who and what. What friend did Chief Ironside watch die and did nothing to help? And who is the missing actor the San Francisco Police department hasn't bothered to look for because they don't even know he has disappeared. Shame, shame, San Francisco Police. Place your subscription now and keep up with the Bare Truth."
Commissioner: Bob, we're not interested in your personal life, but we are interested in finding out if an actor has gone disappeared and if he, has under what circumstances. And I want to know before the next edition of this magazine hits the stands. I will not have my department ridiculed by this inconsequential rag!
Commissioner: Whatever you call it. Robert, this is your baby... or should I say your lady?
Ironside: My name is Ironside, I have an appointment with Mr. Smith.
Mary Jane Smith: That's Ms. Smith, if you don't mind.
Ironside: I don't mind.
Mary Jane Smith: And if you'll do me another favor and omit the cliches of "What is a nice girl like you doing in a business..."
Ironside: I promise not to call you a nice girl.
With the premiere of the new season, brief clips from the episode are featured prior to the opening credits. The teaser tag is then moved to after the credits, and before the credits.
French title: Auteur de Composition.
Music by Marty Paich, vocals by Carol Carmichael.