Chief Robert T. Ironside
Detective Sergeant Ed Brown
Officer Eve Whitfield (1967-1971)
Chief Ironside and Ed are both Cancers.
We learn that a man named Regal killed Ed's partner in the same year that Eve was a rookie on the force.
Eve: I don't know why you have to be so grumpy. It's not that far out of the way.
Ed: 16 miles each way, 32 miles. You don't think that's far?
Eve: Not to make somebody happy.
Ed: Why do you think it's going to make the Chief happy? I don't think he likes birthdays anyway, particularly his own.
Eve: He liked our gift last year.
Ed: He said he liked it.
Eve: Well it's not every San Francisco police officer who his own antique inlaid serpentine crease.
Ed: That's a point I'll give you. Anyway, we ought to get him a tie; or better still, forget about it.
Eve: Oh boy.
Ed: Oh boy what?
Eve: Forget about birthdays. If you didn't have a birthday, you wouldn't be.
Ed: You wouldn't be what?
Eve: You just wouldn't be. And anyway, you wouldn't know what sign you were born under.
Eve: What sign were you born under?
Ed: It said Wesley Memorial Hospital! Why?
Eve: Not that kind of a sign. Sign of the zodiac, astrological sign. Here's my horoscope for today: you will have a dramatic surprise. How about that?
Ed: Now it's my turn to say "oh boy."
Eve: All right, listen to this: born leader, shrewd, decisive, commanding and warm and generous, and yet an implacable foe of injustice. Who does that describe?
Ed: Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and Robert T. Ironside, not necessarily in that order.
Eve: Right. But it happens to be the people born under your sign.
Eve: That's right, Cancer, the crab!
(at Police Headquarters with the sketch artist)
Eve: Chief Ironside, did you see the man or did I? I said that his eyes were farther apart and that there was a flatness to the bridge of his nose.
Ironside: In all the noise and confusion, people running around screaming, you can be sure about a little detail like that?
Eve: I am positive.
Ironside: (to the sketch artist) Fix it, George.
George: Yes, sir.
Eve: Is this your usual police technique, badgering your witnesses, trying to confuse them?
Ironside: It helps to sift out the truth.
Eve: I think I could find a better way.
Paul Fulham (Eve's companion): Don't think she couldn't.
Ironside: I'll get her a badge.
(entering the Chief's office)
Eve: Really, Chief, you ought to have a better office. This could belong to an accountant or a professor or just about anybody. But a detective, especially one as, as important as you, should have some place, oh, big, impersonal, scientific, some place full of gadgets to help him find clues and track down murderers.
(Eve spots newspaper headline on the Chief's desk: Lasko Guilty. Sentenced to gas chamber. She heads for the door.)
Well, I'm probably keeping you from your work. You must have dozens of mysteries to solve. Good bye, Chief.
Ironside: Miss Whitfield, sit down. You know, you didn't just come here to deliver a door prize. I may have a big mouth, but I've also got big ears. Now come on, sit down.
Eve: If you want the whole truth, you didn't win any prize at all. It's the only excuse I could think of.
Ironside: Well, I can't say I'm brokenhearted.
Eve: All of a sudden I don't know what to say.
Ironside: (reads newspaper headline) Lasko Guilty. Sentenced to gas chamber
Ironside: And you feel that you're going to be the executioner.
Eve: I was the only witness who could identify him.
Ironside: Plus a dozen detectives who matched his fingerprints, checked bullets from his gun, traced the money he stole, backtracked his moves – all under my orders. By your definition, Miss Whitfield, I'm the executioner.
Eve: You don't understand.
Ironside: And what about the District Attorney and the jury? Each one of them is an executioner.
Eve: Please, Chief. A man is going to die because I...
Ironside: If he does, if he does die, you won't have killed him, Miss Whitfield, any more than I or the D.A. or the jury. His punishment is fixed by the laws of this state.
Eve: But they're wrong, barbaric.
Ironside: Then change them. But you can't change your responsibility as a citizen. When a crime is committed, it's your duty to report the facts.
Eve: It's easy for you to talk. You're a policeman, this is all just, just routine.
Ironside: The day murder and execution are just routine, I'll walk out of this office. Did you ever consider the other side of the coin, Miss Whitfield? Every time one man is proven guilty, ten other are proven innocent.
Eve: You're right. You do have a big mouth. And it says some big words.
Ironside: Just doing some missionary work, trying to gain a convert.
Ironside: Speaking philosophically of course. What kind of a future could the police department offer a woman like you?
Eve: Chief Ironside?
Eve: Good afternoon.
Ironside: Well, hello.
Eve: Sorry to disturb you, but it'll only take a minute. I need your signature.
Ironside: Police Academy?
Eve: I took the liberty of saying that you'd recommend me.
Ironside: Miss Whitfield, are you sure you know what you're doing?
Eve: There you go, sounding like my parents again. No I don't, it's absolutely insane, but I want to try it anyway.
Ironside: Fair enough.
Eve: There's room at the bottom for personal remarks if you'd like to add any.
Ironside: I can think of a few.
Eve: That would help me!
Ironside: I'll try. (the Chief fills out the form while Eve looks around his office and hands her back the completed form) All right, Miss Whitfield, your application for blood, sweat and tears.
Eve: (Eve reads the completed form) Conscientious, dedicated, those are lovely words. I hope I can live up to them.
Ironside: You'd better. Nobody makes a liar out of me.
French title: Retour En Arriere.
Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln
Ed is referring to George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln, the first, third and sixteenth Presidents of the United States of America.
The mountain has come to Muhammad
Eve is quoting an old Islam saying, which in full is If the mountain won't come to Muhammad, Muhammad will go to the mountain. Loosely translated, it means "if one cannot get one's own way, one must bow to the inevitable."
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