It Takes a Thief

Season 1 Episode 11

To Steal a Battleship

Aired Tuesday 8:30 PM Mar 26, 1968 on ABC
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Episode Summary


Al must retrieve NATO defense documents hidden in a safe somewhere in the large villa of Mr. Bjornsen, a V.I.P. who's socially and diplomatically well-connected, and who plans to sell them to the wrong people. The problem is, George, an old "colleague" of Al's, wants to steal the Bjornsen Necklace and he is getting in Al's way, so Al has to do the job and take care of George, all at the same time.


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    Janis Hansen

    Janis Hansen

    The Blonde

    Guest Star

    Linda Marsh

    Linda Marsh

    Irena Damos

    Guest Star

    Bill Bixby

    Bill Bixby

    George Palmer

    Guest Star

    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (1)

      • The stuntman who doubles for Bill Bixby during the fight in the bedroom looks very little like the actor. The face and hair are considerably different.

    • QUOTES (12)

      • Noah: All right, Al, come on, let's hear it.
        Al: It was an attempted kidnap.
        Noah: By a blonde?
        Al: That's the best kind.

      • Noah: You'll be working with a woman. Her name is Irena Damos. She's one of ours. You'll meet her in the lobby.
        Al: She'll swoon all over me, right?
        Noah: Wrong. You carry this. She'll approach you and when she does, you ask her if this book belongs to her. She'll answer, "Yes, this is my copy of Euripides."
        Al: Sounds spicy.
        Noah: I don't know, I never read it.
        Al: Do we really have to go through with the cloak-and-dagger bit?
        Noah: We have our reasons.
        Al: Oh, fine. I stand around the lobby like some idiot, waiting for some dame to come over to me and tell me that she's lost her Euripides.
        Noah: Oh, you could do it standing on your head.
        Al: I ought to try. I'd be less conspicuous. You guys are beautiful.

      • Irena: You are frivolous!
        Al: Only when it counts.

      • Al: I've got a great idea. Why don't we drive out into the country and we could go to one of those places where they have that marvelous peasant dancing.
        Irena: Impossible. I do not dance.
        Al: What do you do?
        Irena: I work. You should try it.

      • George: Al. Well, I really am sorry to see you again. Now it looks like I'm going to have to get rough.
        Al: Now, George, don't do anything foolish. You never use guns.
        George: Yes I do! As soon as I start feeling uptight.

      • Al: You might consider a merger.
        George: You know what happens when a chicken merges with a weasel.
        Al: Oh, baby, you really know how to hurt a guy.

      • George: Now, Al, I want you to listen to me very carefully. I'm very serious. Get lost. Now you know I can play pretty dirty if I have to.
        Al: With old friends?
        George: Especially with old friends. And most especially when the old friend is you.

      • Al: Let me tell you about my chum, George Palmer. He and I date back to tapping piggy banks together. He's clever, resourceful, and almost as talented as I am.

      • Al: Didn't Mr. Bain tell you about my talents?
        Irena: Yes, he did.
        Al: Weren't you impressed?
        Irena: By a thief?
        Al: A thief. A thief who steals in the national interest. There's a big difference. History books will tell you that they've erected monuments to men like me. Don't shake your head. If I recover those NATO documents and you come to America, you might find me erected in the park. Would that attract you?
        Irena: No. But it would attract pigeons.
        Al: That's very funny.

      • Al: (answering the phone) Yes?
        Noah: This is Bain. Wake up, I don't pay you to sleep.
        Al: You don't pay me, period.

      • Al: We get the NATO papers, Palmer gets the necklace.
        Noah: Oh no. No thievery.
        Al: Thievery? What do you call taking the papers?
        Noah: Political expediency.

      • Irena: Where have you been?
        Al: Studying my Euripides. What have you been up to?
        Irena: Looking for you. Time is running out.
        Al: Time will do that.

    • NOTES (0)

    • ALLUSIONS (0)