It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Season 4 Episode 1

Mac: You put your balls in my mouth while I was sleeping?
Dennis: Yeah, man, twice.
Mac: That's rape.
Dennis: Yeah, I know.
Mac: That is borderline rape.

Dee: Oh, Charlie, oh, I wanted to eat that lady so bad.
Charlie: I did, too. I did, too.

Charlie: Cannibalism? Racism, Dee? Th--That's not for us. You know, those are the decision that are best left to the suits in Washington, okay? We're just here to eat some dude.

Dennis: (to Cricket) It's just you and us and a couple pairs of sour sweaty balls.

Dennis: I'm so excited-- feel my nips.
Mac: Holy smokes!
Dennis: They're, like, super hard, right?
Mac: Whoo! You could cut glass with these bad boys.

Dennis: I'm sticking with the tea-bagging.
Mac: But tea-bagging doesn't even leave a mark!
Dennis: Well, fine, I'll dip my nuts in ink or something and then put it in his mouth-- that make you happy?
Mac: Well... Yeah, actually, I think that's a pretty good idea.

Dennis: Yeah, but where are we supposed to get that many pubes, man?
Mac: We shave.
Dennis: Well, that's gonna be a problem-- I laser. It's like a turtle shell down there.
Mac: What?

Mac: Hunting is awesome, Dennis!
Dennis: Yeah.
Mac: You get to wear sweet clothes and get wasted all day.
Dennis: It's just like our normal lives, except at the end of it we get to put our nuts in some dude's mouth.

Dee: I don't think I can eat this guy.
Charlie: No, I don't think I can, right? What is that?
Dee: I don't... I don't know.
Charlie: It's not because he's black, though, right?

Frank: What is it with you people? I mean, you guys are always touching each other's nipples, putting your balls in each other's mouths.
(Mac starts laughing)
Dennis: Yeah, it's fun.
Mac: It's funny.

Charlie: Dee and I cooked up a great steak. Frank's got, like, this whole fridge full of these delicious meats that I've been stealing. And you guys want to try some of this?
Dennis: Someone who sweats as much as you should not work with food.

Dennis: I think that hunting a man would be the only true test of a good hunter.
Frank: Oh, yeah? I was hunted once. I just came back from Nam. I was hitching through Oregon and some cop started harassing me. Next thing you know, I had a whole army of cops chasing me through the woods. I had to take 'em all out. It was a bloodbath.
Charlie: That's Rambo, dude.

Charlie: Like, you get one taste of delicious, delicious human meat, none of this stuff ever satisfies you ever again for the rest of your life.
Dee: 'Kay, now I think that you're overreacting, okay?
Charlie: Oh, really?
Dee: Yeah. That's stupid.
Charlie: Is that stupid?! Oh, I'm sorry, Dee. Well, then I guess Jaws IV is stupid.

Dee: Mac, grab us some beers.
Mac: Bite my bird.