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Charlie: Bro, you could chop a camel right in the hump and drink all of it's milk right--right off the tip of this, man!
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Frank: After we made love, she did get pregnant. But she had an abortion.
Charlie: Really?
Frank: Yeah, yeah.
Charlie Well, are you sure she went through with it, dude? 'Cause she probably didn't tell you.
Frank: She probably went right from the clinic and banged some guy and got knocked up, because your mother was a giant whore.
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Frank: What the hell is that?
Mac: It's a baby we found in the trash.
Frank: Well, put it back. It doesn't belong to you.
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Charlie: I'd like to know whether I'm sharing a bed with my father!
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Mac: (referring to D.B.) Did he get kidnapped?
Dee: Somebody came and took him?!
Mac: There's a note. There's a note.
Dee: (reading) "Taked Baby. Meet at later bar, night or day sometime."
Both: Charlie.
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Charlie: Are you still harping on that stupid global heating movie you saw?
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(Mac and Dee want to put a baby in a tanning booth)
Mac: We just want to put him in there for a few minutes.
Dee: Just to get a base
Mac: Just to get a base.
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Charlie's Mom: It means you survived it. You survived the abortion.
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Mac: Are you happy, Dee? Is this what you wanted? You just gave this baby full-blown AIDS!
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Mac: Raising a child is not nearly as fun as I thought it'd be.
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Dee: Give us back our baby so we can paint it.
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Mac: (staring into the stroller) D.B., my main man, you got tossed into the right dumpster.
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Charlie: Frank, use your head. This is the coat that's gonna protect my other coat.