It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

Mac: (to Frank) Be helpful. Do something positive with your life. You piece of shit.

Frank: I hate to tell you this, but you know this self-help stuff, it's all bullshit. It's a big scam.
Dee: Oh, is it, Frank? That's funny, because that's how I got the house. See, I envisioned the courts recognizing how ridiculous it was that my son of a bitch, asshole mother didn't leave me anything and then I did some good deeds and boom, I'm rich.

Charlie: You know, we got ourselves a little Mexican girl here, and I'm thinking... well, what does a little Mexican girl love more than anything else in the world? Dennis: Hmm... tacos. Charlie: Tacos, buddy. So, why not make for her a taco bed? You know what I mean? Dennis: Okay. Charlie: She gets to, like, be in a taco every day. So, okay, I got yellow sheets -- that's cheese. Green: guacamole. Uh, red: a little pillow for salsa. And I got these little brown PJs so that she gets to feel like ground meat while she's sleeping. Dennis: Ah, she's the ground meat in the middle. Charlie: She's the ground meat in the middle.