It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

Dennis: An intervention might be a good idea. I mean if he starts banging Aunt Donna, we're gonna have the garbage pail cousin in the mix. Dee: No! No! Charlie: Whoa! Who is the garbage pail cousin? Dennis: Gail the Snail is the garbage pail cousin. Dee: Oh, Charlie, she is the worst. We'd have these family parties, and she used to just glob on to me and Dennis. Oh, we couldn't get rid of her. Dennis: The only way to get rid of her was to torture her, and that's what we did. Dee: Yeah, we'd throw her in the dryer. We'd throw salt on her. Dennis: Yeah, we'd throw salt on her 'cause she was the snail.

Dennis: What are we doing here, Frank? What's your angle? Frank: I wanna bang your Aunt Donna. Dennis: Why would you want to bang our mom's sister at the funeral of her husband? Frank: Mm! Well, I don't know how many years on this earth I got left. I'm gonna get real weird with it.

Charlie: What are you doing, Mac? Mac: (to Dennis and Dee) I was just going over to her house to try and bang Donna because she reminds so much of your mom. You know, which it's like, the best sex I ever had. And while... Frank: Intervention! Intervention! You banged my dead wife? Mac: Well, she was alive at the time.

Charlie: Why don't we never play "Night Crawlers" anymore, huh? Frank: I don't know, Charlie. Dee: What is "Night Crawlers?" Dennis: It's a game where they crawl around in the night like worms. Charlie: I never said that. Frank: Yeah, well that's what it is. Charlie: Intervention! Intervention! Is nothing private, Frank?

Dee: (to Tabitha) Listen, before we get into that, could you help us pop a quick intervention on Charlie here for his illiteracy?

Donna: How did you get into my house? Did you kick in my door? Mac: Kick, yes. Kick in, no. That door is solid, which is the good news. The bad news is the window is not.

Mac: Hey, hey, hey there, sleepy head. I made you breakfast. I hope you like it crispy, 'cause it is burned.

Tabitha: So, he-he does have a drinking problem? Charlie: Oh, big time, big time. But if I'm being honest, my problem's less with the fact that he's drinking more that he's doing it without me. And then I start thinking, "What's wrong with me? Am I not fun to drink with?" Dennis: Oh, no, don't do that to yourself. No, you're plenty of fun to drink with, trust me, Charlie. You get really, really drunk, and then you get reckless, and it's a lot of fun.