It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

Mac: I'm covered in piss! Dee: (drunk) Well, maybe you shouldn't have had your window down. Mac: Maybe you shouldn't be throwing jars of pee out the window. Dee: Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't--it's up for debate.

Mac: I want my 35 cents back. Charlie, give him the pear. Charlie: I can't. I just ate it. Mac: The whole thing? Charlie: Yeah. It was pretty gross, and I... Mac: The stem and-and the core? Charlie: You didn't tell me not to eat the stem, dude. Mac: Did you eat the stickers that are all over it? Charlie: Yeah, it was gross. Mac: Of course, it's gross. It's a sticker, bro! Charlie: I eat stickers all the time, dude!

Dee: (drunk) You're running away from home, aren't you? Hitchhiker: Um, yeah, maybe. Dee: Oh, no, no, no. Sweet baby, they're going to eat you alive in Hollywood. Oh, you're definitely going to end up doing gay porn with this tiny little body of yours.

Frank: Whoa, it's hard to stand up back here. Dennis: Furniture is what we need. We'll pick some up at the Italian market. Frank: When was the last time you saw furniture in an Italian market? Dennis: Those people will sell you anything. They'll sell you their children. They don't care. Frank: Provolone and salami. Dennis: They sell everything at the Italian market. These people are like, descendents of gypsies. They come in, they sell their shit. They bang each other. I don't know what they do, but you get to haggle with them, it's a lot of fun.

Dennis: How exactly do you view yourself within the context of our group? Mac: The sheriff of Paddy's.

Dee: I can't believe you've never been out of Philly, Charlie. Dennis: Yeah, man, what the hell? Frank: That's really amazing. Charlie: I've never done a lot of things. Dennis: What else have you not done, bro? Charlie: Uh, I've never eaten a pear. Mac: What? How is that possible? Dennis: Seriously? Dee: Really? Frank: A pear? Charlie: Pears weird me out, dude. Where do you start with a pear? The top, the bottom? It's like... Dennis: What do you mean, where do you start? You just bite into it. It's a fruit.

Dennis: Then we'll get some new wicker chairs next time we're at a... a gypsy hangout spot. Charlie: Okay. You think we're gonna be going to a lot of those? 'Cause I feel like I already dodged a bullet once today. Dennis: What do you mean? Charlie: Well, I mean, you know, gypsies. I don't want anyone shrinking my head and shit.

Mac: All right, Charlie, get ready to scratch two things off your bucket list. Charlie: Oh, I don't have a bucket list, dude, 'cause I'm not dying. Mac: Everybody's dying, bitch. Let's get you some fruit.

Mac: He burned us. Gypsy son of a bitch burned us!

Mac: All right, Bozo, thank you. I'm calling a lot of people Bozo now. It's like my new thing.