Charlie Day |
Charlie Kelly |
Glenn Howerton |
Dennis Reynolds |
Rob McElhenney |
Mac |
Kaitlin Olson |
Deandra "Dee" Reynolds |
Danny DeVito |
Frank Reynolds (Season 2+) |
Patricia Belcher |
Judge |
Guest Star |
John Ponzio |
Philly Phrenetic |
Guest Star |
Dennis Hogan |
Fan #1 |
Guest Star |
Charlie: I'm gonna toss in my countersuit, uh, Charlie Kelly vs. Major League baseball and the Phillie Phrenetic.
Dee: Countersuit, Charlie?
Dennis: No, come on. Come on.
Dee: Don't do it, Charlie. Don't do it.
Charlie: I'm mad at this guy!
Dee: He's gonna...
Charlie: This guy's got a stranglehold on the mascot scene!
Dee: Look what's happening.
Charlie: All right, first of all, I had to call him the Phrenetic. His name's the Phanatic. But, you know, I'm gonna get sued by Major League Baseball if I call him the Phanatic. (The bailiff is escorting him from the courtroom.) And let's talk about steroids! Can we talk about steroids?! Can we talk about steroid abuse?! It's bullshit! It's ruining the game! It's ruining it!
Judge: From October 28, 2008 to November 1, 2008, you were issued a series of parking citations totaling $1,300. Who are these people?
Dennis: Oh, uh, these people are here to corroborate my story.
Judge: It's a parking violation.
Dennis: Oh, well, I think you'll find it goes much, much deeper than that.
Charlie: Yes, lady madam of the court, I do believe that this court will realize that we were all victims of a terrible ordeal that caused each and every one of us a great deal of physical and emotional trauma.
Judge: And what is this ordeal?
Dennis: The Philadelphia Phillies winning the World Series, Your Honor.
Dee: (reading Mac's letter to Chase Utley) "Dear Chase, I feel like I can call you 'Chase' because you and me are so much alike." Really? "I would love to meet you some day. It would be great to have a catch. I know I can't throw as fast as you, but I think you would be impressed with my speed. I love your hair. You run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me, neither. These are all things we can talk about and more. I know you have not been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did. And I hope you write back this time and we get to be good friends. I am sure our relationship would be a real home run."
Dennis: Well, how the hell are you planning on getting in there, Mac?
Mac: Uh... you put me on the spot. First thing that comes to my head, scaling the façade. All right, I know I soured on that earlier, but I believe that is my mind telling me that I have it in me.
Dennis: Okay, I hate to tell you this, bro, but you do not have the core strength to scale the façade of Citizens Bank. You just don't.
Mac: What? I work out all the time!
Dennis: Yeah, but you only work out your glamour muscles, and you know it.
Mac: I work out my core.
Dennis: No, you do not work your core. You're totally arm-heavy. You're all bis and tris and everything else is just fat and-and ribs.
Mac: Bro, I can do way more push-ups than you, and that's like 16 different muscle groups, I think.
Dennis: That is beyond retarded, what you're saying right now.
All of the baseball merchandise spelled out Phillies with a Y (ie Phillys). This was done to avoid copyright/trademark infringement.
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S 8 : Ep 10
Aired 12/20/12
S 8 : Ep 9
Aired 12/13/12
S 8 : Ep 8
Aired 12/6/12
S 8 : Ep 7
Aired 11/29/12
User Score: 2235
User Score: 97
User Score: 76
User Score: 60
User Score: 45
User Score: 43
User Score: 32
User Score: 27
User Score: 24
User Score: 20