Jack & Jill Season 2 Episode 12

Jill: Don't let the caterer bully you into the conch fritters now!

Barto: Do you forgive me or not?
Audrey: I don't know when exactly it was, but I forgave you a long time ago. You're one of the good ones, Barto.
Barto: Okay. Thank you.

Elisa: At the very least, you can exercise your dating muscles.
Mikey: Yeah, think of this guy as free weights.

Jack: I never thought I'd spend my thirties popping out a litter of Jillefskies.
Jill: Popping?
Jack: I didn't mean it like that.
Jill: Well, we could adopt, in addition to having some, or one, of our own. We could cut down on the popping.

Jill: An only child can be so spoiled, y'know, and self-absorbed.
Jack: I'm an only child.
Jill: Or they can turn out wonderfully without suffering the effects of sibling rivalry.

Barto: Come on, sometimes you just... you just gotta laugh.
Emily: Yeah, I laugh when I'm dry. What are you so happy about anyway?
Barto: Um, I don't know. I've been a little distracted lately, but, uh, tonight, I'm feelin' pretty good.
Emily: Because you smell like a wet puddle?
Barto: Because I'm with you.

Audrey: Okay, when the hell did you become Miss It's All Good?
Elisa: Okay, this is the third bridemaid's dress I've bought this year. Kinda clouds your vision.
Audrey: I understand.

Jack: Except for hampers, I don't think wicker's acceptable.

Elisa: Make a list. You know how you love to make a list, you know.
Jack: You see me laughing at my funny friend?