Jack & Jill

Audrey: You have a nice bedside manner. Barto: As a doctor? Audrey: As a boyfriend.

Mikey: I don't know if that's the nicest person in the world or the weirdest.

Jack: Why did you say, 'Happy Valentines Day, Jill?' Jill: Because I am. It is.

Jill: I didn't want to go overboard, you know. Jack: You didn't.

Mikey: We did it on the floor, we did it by the door, so if you don't mind tonight, let's do it some more. Barto: He's like an X-rated Dr. Seuss.

Mikey: Don't call a girl within three hours after sex. You're gonna scare her off. There's a reason that nature has the dude fall asleep after coitus. It keeps the girl on her toes.

Audrey: On the kitchen floor? Barto: Swear to God. Audrey: Jack won't even eat a piece of toast she's dropped on the floor.

Jack: So, Mikey has keys to your place? Jill: Yeah. Jack: So, you guys had sex on the kitchen floor. Jill: Yeah. Barto: Hey, what's up? Jack: Mikey has keys, and Jill and I had sex on the kitchen floor.

Mikey: I fired her and then I asked her out. Lucy: Ah, classic love story.

Jack: (to Jill) I feel like me but different, and you seem like you but...