Jack & Jill

Jill: This marriage stuff is tricky. Jack: Mm. Jill: Let's make a pact... that we'll pull it off. Jack: I think that's the idea behind the wedding vows.

Barto: I want to be your friend. Audrey: Well, good, 'cause I have this old boyfriend who's really pissing me off.

Mikey: What did you think of Ken? Elisa: What did I think of Ken? I think Ken is a human sleeping pill.

Jill: Hey, mom, I'm all grown up now. How about you quit trying to teach me to see the good in people. Hannah: Okay. Jill: Just commiserate with me, okay?

Jack: I thought maybe you and my dad cou... Jill: No. No, not if you promised me sex twice a day for the rest of our natural lives.

Jack: I was thinking maybe we can have a do-over on this whole parents thing? Jill: You mean pick new ones?

Jack: I can't believe you didn't go home. Jill: I guess I fell asleep while I was sitting here trying to figure out who should apologize. Jack: Me. Jill: That's where I was going.

Jack: They're gonna be around for every single birthday and holiday for the rest of our lives. Jill: Can't we just keep Christmas a secret like you did our engagement?

Barto: High pressure time, bro. When Audrey met my parents that was the beginning of the end. Mikey: What about the cheating? Barto: And then there was that.

Jack: When did you tell your mom about me? Jill: The day we met. Jack: Yeah, well, what'd you say? Jill: What did I say? Oh, yeah, that I was gonna marry you. Huh.