Jack & Jill

Jack: You sure you don't mind? Barto: Happy to go. Jack: Coaster!

Elisa: Say something helpful, please. Jack: That's a great color on you!

Barto: I was kinda hoping for a first date that would impress you. Sarah: I am impressed. You wore a gown.

Barto: You just can't keep your fingers off buttons, can you?

Jack: The ad said "cozy and inviting." Apparently they meant to roaches.

Peter: I think you're funny and charming, kind and beautiful. But that's the obvious. Elisa: You know what? That's actually enough. Peter: I think you're a little insecure, but not half as much as you protest to be. And you think if people saw how confidant you really are, they'd be turned off. I think you don't have a favorite color because you don't want to be tied down. I think you remember birthdays without having to write them down, and at night, you worry about your parents growing old in that split second before you fall asleep. And I think you care... about all the things good people care about.

Jill: If it makes you feel any better, he photographs kinda heavy.

Barto: You're angry. Dr. Madison: I'm an educator, I don't get angry. I teach... lessons.

Barto: You're looking at a guy who spent all morning in front of a mirror practicing cramps.

Jack: Could it be that you've found someone who's a good listener? They're rumored to exist.

Mikey: What happens if I pinch this? Barto: My heart stops. Mikey: What happens if I just twist it a little? Barto: What happens if I tell you to leave it alone?

Jill: So, what are you suffering from? Barto: Small bowel obstruction. Jill: You couldn't fake anything sexier, like Malaria? Mikey: Or anything venereal?

Barto: No, this isn't my phone sex voice. Why, is it working?

Elisa: All right, you're the psychiatrist. What is it about you and me and confined spaces?

Mikey: I don't know, apparently it's not enough to really really want the bar, I gotta have credit history to boot.

Jack: What are you doing? Jill: Testing the floors.

Jill: Give me four walls, cable and a powerful flush.