Jack & Jill

Jill: Now she thinks I've got this big thing planned. Mikey: Well, don't you? Jill: No. Mikey: Really? Jill: I got nothing, zippo, bupkis, nada, I'm all out of big things. Mikey: You shot your wad with the horse. Jill: I did not shoot my w... yes, I did, I shot my was with the horse. Damn that horse!

Mikey: I know a guy who hid the ring in his butt and he had his girlfriend pull it out claiming he had some sort of ass pain. I'm not saying you should do that, it's just something I know.

Barto: How bad is it to walk out in the middle of a play? Audrey: Not nearly as bad as the play we walked out of. Barto: True.

Audrey: Jack, how come your problems never seem like problems to anyone else but you?

Barto: You know, Mikey, there are some best man duties that don't involve strippers.

Barto: I'd rather be with her as a friend than not with her at all, because at this point we're really just measuring one kind of pain against another.

Jack: Here's the thing, I never should have looked at that ring. Jill: Okay, this is happening now.

Jill: I get in trouble for the weirdest things.

Jack: You're the one with the problem. You're... you're Mr. Propose guy. Jill: You know, if you.... What am I?

Jack: I guess I just wish I'd been the only one. Elisa: You are the only one. He may have thought about proposing to an entire planet of women, but when it comes down to it, he only actually did it once.