Jake 2.0 Season 1 Episode 9

Jake: I didn't judge you when I volunteered to serve under your command. Now, one of your officers has murdered a General. An agent of our government is bleeding on this floor beaten by your hand. Now, by any standard of human or military decency I should put a bullet in your skull no matter what the consequence but instead I am standing here not judging.

Hartman: Son, you've never visited a Panamanian whore house?
Jake: I can neither confirm nor deny that I have ever been to Panama.

Kyle: Six hours ago you were telling me not to send you back here. Now you're General Patton?
Jake: Hey, you gave me a specific order to take this all the way. I'm taking it all the way.

Kyle: You clocked your C.O. and instead of beating the snot out of you, he made you dig holes?
Jake: Yeah, it's supposed to impress upon me that I am so retarded I don't even merit army grade punishment. As you can see, the shame is unbearable.

Jake: Kyle, don't send me back in with those guys.
Kyle: If the Hades 13 is detonated a lot of people are going to die. Jake, there are no half measures on this one. You have to find the discipline and commitment to take this all the way.
Jake: Is that an order?
Kyle: Yes.
Jake: Alright, I need some nerve gas and a funnel.

Jake: Well, I guess you could describe it as summer camp, in hell. Ten mile runs, I have never been this tired in my entire life. Hey, the nanites aren't gonna burn out or anything are they?
Diane: No. No, they're doing fine.

Lou: For the last time, Jake, the correct answer is "Hooah." "Hooah" means: "Yes", "Thank you", "Please", "Pass the ammo", and "Praise the Lord". Do you understand? When in doubt, Hooah.

Lou: You're going to learn to be a soldier. I have someone standing by to train you.
Jake: Yeah? Who's the Yoda like miracle worker who's gonna make that happen?

Jake: You know, I'll bet he told Lou (doing impression of Kyle) "Jake's grandstanding. Jake's too young. Jake..."
Lou: (interrupting) ...has a new mission.

Jake: Am I acting like I'm too good to follow orders like everyone else? (Diane doesn't answer) It's true? I'm becoming that guy?
Diane: No, but I'm still glad that Kyle read you the riot act.
Jake: Why? Because you like to see me humiliated?

General Freewald: These men operate at the highest standard of strength, endurance and agility. Your agent is going to have to pass muster, or he will be made.
Lou: I believe I've got your man. (to Kyle) You did say he could use some discipline.

Kyle: You think you're something special because you've got powers?
Jake: No.
Kyle: Well, I've got news for you, you're not. You wait for back up and you follow orders, just like everyone else. It's called discipline and it saves lives.
Jake: That's all I was trying to do.
Kyle: Did you know the wall would break that easy? That his assault rifle didn't have a hair trigger? That he didn't have explosives hidden on his person? Jake, you've been enhanced, you can do some pretty spectacular things but that's not what this job is really all about. And if you don't learn that, somebody's going to get hurt.

General Freewald: (to Jake) Don't give Louise Beckett a reason to dislike you.

Jake: I don't really do well with teams. Or packs. Especially in uniform. Jocks, frat guys, marching bands--they eat people like me for breakfast.

Hartman: (to Jake-as-Gant) Gant... you magnificent bastard!

Jake: Am I going to do that before or after the monkeys fly out of my butt?

Duarte: Apparently there's no "we" in nanites.