Jersey Shore Season 1 Episode 1

Jenni "J-WOWW": I am like a praying mantis; after I have sex with a guy I will rip their heads off.

Snooki: When I woke up I was like what did I do last night? Like, what did I do? I f--ked up...story of my life.

Angelina: How do you go in a f--king jacuzzi with a thong and a bra? Wear a thong bikini, that's a little bit more classier if you're gonna wear anything at all, ya know what I mean?

Ronnie: Get ready to party, get out there, get filthy, creepy, and weird.

Angelina: I am the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island, baby.

Ronnie: You just take your shirt off and they come to you, it's like a fly comes to s--t.

Vinny: Guys with the blow-outs and the fake tans, and guys that wear lip gloss and makeup, those aren't guidos, those are retards.

Sammi: If you're not a guido then you can get the f--k outta my face.

Sammi: A guidette is somebody who knows how to club it up, takes really good care of themselves, has pretty hair, cakes on makeup, has tanned skin, wears the hottest heals, pretty much they know how to own it and rock it.

Sammi: I'm the sweetest b---h you'll ever meet, but do not f--k with me.

Mike "The Situation: You can hate on me all you want to, but what can you possibly say to somebody that looks like Rambo, pretty much, with his shirt off.

Angelina: I am all natural. I have real boobs. I have a nice fat ass. Look at this sh-t, I mean, come on, I'm hot.

Sammi: The smaller the shorts, the better because all the little Guido guys out there love them.

Mike "The Situation": My abs are so ripped up, I call it "the situation."

Snooki: My ultimate dream is to move to Jersey, find a juiced, hot, tan guy and live my life.