Jersey Shore Season 1 Episode 5

Ronnie: (what he would do if he was J-WOWW's boyfriend) I would give her d--k in bubblegum. I would send her a picture of my d--k in a pack of bubblegum and say "chew on this."

Ronnie: J-WOWW's p---y must be rainbows and pasta treasure.

Ronnie: Pauly pulled out his DJ equipment. He's got the Italian thing on the equipment, he has another Italian flag on his book bag, another Italian flag on his laptop. He's the ultimate guido, he really is.

Snooki: I'm fat (fake cries) I'm about to eat a sausage right now. F--K YOU ALL!

J-WOWW: I was gonna try to uppercut her, but at that point I had too many bouncers wrapped around me. I just wish for like, three more seconds. I woulda done justice.

Snooki: I look over and I see, like, hair being pulled and all this s--t. I'm like, oh my god, how do I get in?

J-WOWW: She called Snookers fat and that, like, triggered me, um, so I threw my drink in her face.

Vinny: They're pretty cool, ya know, there are some girls that are just gonna come here, strip off their clothes, and jump in the jacuzzi. Then there are some girls that are respectful, that you have to just actually treat like girls, human beings.

Pauly D: They're cool girls. They're smart and everything, but they want to hook up just as well, but I think it will take a couple of times seeing them to hook up. They're not, like, whores.

Snooki: I was pissed off, like right when I f--kin' met a guy and I wanted to get his number and hang out with him we had to leave. Just my luck.

Ronnie: Mike, I don't f--kin' like you. He puts on a show. He acts like somebody that he's not, and I pretty much don't like him at all, in any way.

Snooki: I tried to eat but I couldn't get it in my freakin' mouth 'cause I'm disabled.

Snooki: I came home when they were putting in the lobsters, I was like, yo, are those real? That's disgusting, I'm a vet tech. Like, I save animals, I don't kill them.

Pauly D: Girls love a DJ, so once they see me behind the wheels of steel over there, doing my thing...watch out.

J-WOWW: Get some food. Feel better. Drink heavily.
Snooki: She gives great advice.

Snooki: F--k my life.

Sammi: I definitely want to look good for Ronnie's parents, because it's the first time they're meeting me. Like, I want them to think like, wow, that's her, she's really pretty, and whatever.

Vinny: I was about to barrel through cops, I was that heated.

Ronnie: This house is f--kin' atrocious.

Ronnie: How do you watch that girl get hit in her face and do nothing and, like, you still have the balls to creep?

Ronnie: Shnickers is like crying 'cause she got punched in the face and, like, The Situation is creepin'.

Snooki: I'm laying there and I'm like, yo, what the f--k just happened?