Jesse Stone Season 1 Episode 2

(The vet examines Jesse's dog)
Vet: Did you breed this dog? I noticed he hasn't been neutered. Any reason why?
Jesse Stone: I just thought Boomer wouldn't be Boomer without testicles.

Joe Genest: I work for the mob and I kill people.
Jesse Stone: Excuse me?
Joe Genest: You asked what I do. Gimme your gun.
Jesse Stone: No.
Joe Genest: Put your hands behind your head.
Jesse Stone: No.
Joe Genest: What?
Jesse Stone: I'm not gonna put my hands behind my head. I'm drinking coffee. You're gonna shoot me anyway.
Joe Genest: Good point.

Sandy: Aren't you a little old for me?
Jesse Stone: Everybody says that about me.

Molly Crane: Did I hear you call Simpson "Suitcase?"
Jesse Stone: Yes.
Molly Crane: Why?
Jesse Stone: Why not?

Jesse Stone: What do you do, Joe?
Joe Genest: Excuse me?
Jesse Stone: Guy drives a nice car, pays cash for his house. It makes me curious.
Joe Genest: Maybe you should stay that way.

(Jesse sees Joe Genest flirting with Cissy Hathaway)
Jesse Stone: I think he's plonking her.
Abby Taylor: Plonking? And you know this just from looking?
Jesse Stone: I do. I am wise in these things.
Abby Taylor: And how is that?
Jesse Stone: Because I have been blessed with a penis.

Captain Healy: Heard you used to play ball.
Jesse Stone: Double A. Tore my shoulder up and that was that.
Captain Healy: The Phillies drafted me as a pitcher.
Jesse Stone: And?
Captain Healy: And I wasn't very good.
Jesse Stone: You miss it?
Captain Healy: Every day.

Jesse Stone: I wouldn't have hired me, would you?

Jesse Stone: When was the last time you slept with a woman?
Joe Genest: It's none of your business.
Jesse Stone: Well, I think you should consider it because it's gonna be your last time.

Jesse Stone: I'm not in the right or wrong business. I'm in the legal or illegal business.

Jesse Stone: (to Joe Genest) If you come near this woman again, if anything happens to her, or her kids, no matter what, no matter whose fault it is, I will kick you around this town until you look like roadkill. And if you're annoying, like you were today, I just might shoot you.

Jesse Stone: Joe Genest should be kicked in the gonads once a day. It was necessary to get his attention.

Michelle Genest: You gonna kick me in the nuts?
Jesse Stone: That would be difficult.