Jim Rome is Burning

Season 2 Episode 2

July 23, 2004

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Aired Weekdays 4:30 PM Jul 23, 2004 on ESPN
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July 23, 2004
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I don't care what your personal Web Gem for Wednesday night was, I'm here to tell you that Manny Ramirez's act in left field was the play of the year. The play of any year. Let's just say Manny Ramirez has never been considered the slickest outfielder in the game. And here's why. Baltimore's David Newhan hit a shot to center. Johnny Damon's going back…back…it's off the wall! Damon runs it down and throws it back in, but it's cut by Man-Ram!! Man-Ram cut the ball in left field! What in the world was that? Never in the history of baseball has a left fielder cut off a throw by a center fielder. At least, until Wednesday night. And in the baseball they play on planet Man-Ram, that's the right thing to do. It goes to show that Man-Ram doesn't even have a rudimentary understanding of the game, barely even knows the rules. It was without question the greatest catch he has ever made; too bad it came while cutting off a throw from the center fielder. He should get a Gold Glove for that.

Further evidence that Major Leaguers have much too much time on their hands. Minnesota Twins' outfielder Matt LeCroy recently told his teammates he would eat a bug if they came up with enough jack. They rallied up 550 bones, and LeCroy choked the critter down, saying only that it was "salty". Hey LeCroy, you're not in single-a ball where $550 might as well be $550-thousand. You're a big leaguer, earning a big leaguer's salary. It's not worth it. Look, if you want to go on Fear Factor and degrade yourself with a bunch of other morons and skanks, be my guest. But as long as you are in a major league uniform, try and act like a major leaguer.

The 'Governator' Arnold Schwarzenegger is not apologizing for cracking democrats as "girlie-men" and nor should he. Partisan politics aside, regardless of your personal affiliation, when did we all become so hyper-sensitive? This is the epitome of political correctness. He wasn't looking to demean women or slur gays. It was a throw away line from a Saturday Night Live skit. Nothing more, nothing less. There has to be more important things to worry about: poverty, crime, drugs, national security, and terrorism. If you really want to get worked up about something, it's the fact that the guy walks around calling himself the Terminator. Now that's offensive.

The nation's largest sports memorabilia convention took place in Ohio last week, but it wasn't big enough for one Orenthal J. Simpson or Mike Tyson. Both wanted in, but both were stoned at the door. I'm not sure I get that. I mean, who wouldn't want a signed ball from the Juice? Just because a guy whacked his wife and a waiter is no reason not to send your 9-year old over to ask for an autograph. And who wouldn't want the autograph of a convicted rapist? A man who once bit another man's ear off? I feel badly for these guys. Mike and Oadge should have their own convention and invite their own peeps. People like Buttafuoco, Tonya Harding and Ron Jeremy. Trust me, there would be a line around the block.

The NHL is on the rise. A good murder for hire case might be exactly what this dying league needs. And that's what we have now that former St. Louis Blues player Mike Danton has admitted to trying to hire a hit man to whack his agent. Never mind trying to fix the sport with regulation ties, glowing pucks and an extra referee. What it needs is more players using groupies to hire hit men to whack their agents. If not, you're welcome to stay out as long as you want. At this point, I really don't care and I'm sure not anyone else does either.

Ernie Els is falling. Another major, another meltdown for the Big Easy. How does Els, arguably the best player alive, lose in a playoff at the British Open to a guy he probably never heard of until he beat him. Probably the same way he is in the final pairing of the US Open and blows up with that atrocious 80 at Shinnecock. Or the way he let Phil Mickelson get his first major at his expense, losing at the Masters. We're all less inclined to pile on Els because he's a nice guy, because he has 3, and because he hasn't had that defining, colossal gag job, ala Greg Norman. But make no mistake; he should have at least twice as many as he does if not more.

Martha Stewart, who apparently is headed to the hole is also falling. But, she'll be fine. You have no idea how creative cons can be. Boxer Bernard Hopkins taught my radio listeners how to make a microwave oven out of a shoe box, tin foil and a light bulb. I'm sure she won't have a problem waiting two hours for that ham sandwich to warm up in her shoe box. And the 12 cents an hour that she'll earn in the prison woodshop will allow her to buy all the smokes she needs. And when she finally does emerge from the hole all buffed up and tatted she'll have some of that street cred she's been so desperate for. Oh and one more thing, I'm not a legal analyst, I just play one on TV, but they basically are sending her to jail for being a witch. A real witch.

Come to find out Durex is the official condom of the Olympic games and the manufacturer plans to donate 130,000 condoms and 30,000 tubes of lubricant to the more than 13,000 athletes and officials. That's great: they can't guarantee the security of the venues but they can all but guarantee that no one will come down with VD. They can't promise that some nut won't show up with a bomb, but they will promise that a discus thrower won't come down with the clap. Never mind the athletes, considering the number of brothels in Greece, they should hand out those raincoats to everyone who shows up at the airport. 30,000 tubes of lube? What do you think these people are planning on doing? Are the athletes showing up for gold medals or to get their freak on?moreless
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