Joan of Arcadia Season 2 Episode 3

Will: Ease up, man, our medical plan doesn't cover stomach stapling.
Det. Carlisle: I'm peckish. Happens whenever a grieving family member accuses me of murder.

Joan: I planted something called "impatiens"... but they take as long as everything else. Funny, huh?

Loner Loser Kid God: The jeans are really comfy.

Ms. Lischak: Indeterminacy, my warriors! Who will catch a cold? Who will stumble and fall along the dusty path? (Grace promptly trips Friedman)

Luke: I mean, basically, I've been asking for a total regime change in your public and personal life. But you know what? I looked up every major political revolution in the last hundred years, and not even the most violent ones were sudden. You know, they built up over years of dissatisfaction and unrest.
Grace: Did you make a special effort not to use a science metaphor?
Luke: I'm trying to expand my range.

Loner Loser Kid God: It's like, uh, everybody has something better to do. Until they're on a plane, and then they're all over me.

Glynis: If you're concerned that working with me will be awkward, I can assure you I've moved on. And on… and on…

Joan: Friedman. The kiss meant nothing. (Judith) was drunk.
Friedman: You sweet naive child.

Joan: And this is supposed to inspire me? The Charlie Brown Christmas Tree of metaphors?

Grace: My dad found out that Judith ended up in the hospital; now he thinks I'm being tainted by the heathen shiksa.

Sammy #2: Try not to mate during business hours, Miss Girardi.

Grace: So basically you're saying what?
Luke: I'm willing to wait...

Luke: Joan, I already claimed the last pop tart!
Joan: Not unless you put your name on it freakazoid!
Luke: Look...L-U-K-E clearly displayed in red permanent marker.

Grace: I'll catch you later… I'm gonna go… run with scissors.

(doing sit-ups in gym class)
Grace: Are you fondling my ankles?
Luke: Yes. I am.

Joan: I just had this whole fantasy how we would come together and be like this one person with a lot of heads... That sounds kinda freaky, but you know what I meant.

Garbage Man God: This can be recycled. Do I have to make a new Earth every seven days?

Joan: So what I was growing…
Loner Loser Kid God: Grew.

Joan: So many people pray to see you. If only they knew…

Adam: I wasn't listening. I was looking at you.

Danny: Why are you planting cabbage? Isn't that like… already cabbage?