Joan of Arcadia Season 1 Episode 7

Joan: You have a lot to answer for, buddy! Nobody asks to be born. (long pause) So we all get to die, and everybody we love dies...
Cute Boy God: (quietly) Yeah.
Joan: So that's good for you...?
Cute Boy God: Joan, there's nothing I can say about that that would make sense to you.
Joan: A lot of what happens here really sucks! So much for your "perfect system". Can you see me being really mad at you right now?
Cute Boy God: (whispers) Yes.
Joan: Why does it have to be so hard?
Cute Boy God: What, specifically?
Joan: Being alive? Let's start there.
Cute Boy God: You wish you weren't alive?
Joan: No. I... I don't know! I wish it didn't... hurt so much.
Cute Boy God: It hurts because you feel it, Joan. Because you are alive. You love people, that generates a lot of power, a lot of energy. The same kind of energy that binds atoms together. We've all seen what happens when you try to pry them apart.
Joan: So, if I... don't get attached to people, then I... won't hurt so much?
Cute Boy God: (smiling) No, it's in your nature to get attached to people. I put that into the recipe. It's when you guys try to ignore that, when you try to go it alone, that's when it gets ugly. It's Hell.
Joan: It's "Hell"... like, the Hell?
(the bus slows and stops)
Cute Boy God: Oh, look. Your house. Go on, Joan. People are waiting for you.

Cute Boy God: Remember me?
Joan: Why all the familiar looks? Doing your greatest hits, starting to get a little pleased with yourself?
Cute Boy God: You see me the way you want to see me, Joan. (pause) Like right now, you're mad at me. Maybe you feel safer to be mad at me when I look like this.

Helen: I felt alone, ummm, and I talked to a priest. I didn't want to bother you.
Will: That was the deal we made a long time ago... you get to bother me. You don't have to do anything alone.

Father Ken Mallory: Helen, I think what you're touching on here, is that you should be talking to your husband, and you miss being able to do that.
Helen: (sighing) You don't understand what kind of job he has, and it's especially bad right now, I can't make it worse for him.
Father Ken Mallory: I've married a lot of people, and I remember the words. You're depriving him of the privilege of living up to them.

Helen: (about picking a movie) Nothing sad, I don't want to cry.
Joan: Oh, please. You cried during Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

Adam: Jane, did I know you were coming over?

Grace: What if you just want to live in your car? Where's the booth for that?
Adam: Dude, you have a car?

Luke: (to Kevin) It's your turn to set the table.
Kevin: My arms are tired!

Adam: I hate November.
Grace: How can you hate a month?

Joan: Like his asthma?
Little Girl God: It's not asthma. He tried to tell you what it is, but you ignored him. I understand why. You don't want to look at anyone's pain. The trouble is, when you try to avoid it, you stop helping. People end up alone.
Joan: You care about everybody so much, why can't you help him?
Little Girl God: Hey, I'll do my job and you do yours.
Joan: Mine is... confusing. I thought I was supposed to help the mother, a-and now I'm supposed to help Rocky...? Where does it end?
Little Girl God: It doesn't. Help kind of moves around. Like... light. Even a little bit is good.
Joan: So, I helped two people, do I at least get extra points?
Little Girl God: It's not a point system, Joan. You don't get coupons.
Joan: What kind of system is it?
Little Girl God: A perfect one. Trust me. (long pause)
Joan: I'm listening...
Little Girl God: I'm finished.

Joan: Dad, you're not in trouble over this, are you?
Will: I'm the chief of police – it's my job to be in trouble.

Joan: I'm not a psycho. You can ask my friend. (Adam bangs his head against the bus) Or maybe not.

Joan: Do you need any help?
Will: Do you have any?

Luke: You know, it's becoming increasingly obvious the only thing we have in common is DNA.

Principal: And what career would you like to explore Mr Rove?
Adam: I wanna do something soulless and corporate, Mr. Price.
Principal: Good choice.

Cute Boy God: Joan, there's nothing I could say about (dying) that would make sense to you.

Grace: I told you about "dude."
Adam: I tried "yo." It didn't take.

Price: (discussing career day) The point of this afternoon is to pretend that you might one day make a valuable contribution to society. Perhaps you could play along. For example, Ms. Polk, you might want to look into journalism, which is a profession where they actually pay people to be cynical and disaffected.