Joan of Arcadia Season 1 Episode 16

Joan: Ask Romeo.
Will: "Romeo?"
Luke: It's a crude attempt at irony. Ask me what?

Mascot God: I asked you to jump. All you've done so far is fall. Go back and jump, Joan.

Grace: Why are we stopping? We should be fleeing in horror. It's bad enough we had to come all the way downtown to the library to research Viking footwear.
Joan: I kinda like this song…

Joan: One good thing about Mom's new job – neverending junk food.

Joan: Casper, Casper, why you buggin', Snow White wants to see you jumpin'.

Helen: I'm going to keep on pushing you (Adam) because, let's be honest, that turtle… crap on a stick.

Helen: What happened?
Will: I can't really say.
Joan: How come he can get away with that?
Helen: Because he's confused – you're lying.

Joan: Well, you're also teacher, and you're a cop. My life would be a lot easier if you were just normal loser parents.

Grace: (about Adam) He's not that into her (Iris). Trust me, he's hot for someone else.
Joan: Who?
Grace: Your mom. Sorry, dude.

Luke: You taught Kevin stuff and he's smart. Basically.

Joan: (to Luke) Give it a rest, horn-dog!

Kevin: (to Rebecca) I felt like a regular 19 year old kid again. I never thought I'd feel like that.

Joan: (to Grace) A? Isn't that just wrong?

Grace: (to Casper) This is Friedman. You can step on him, it's allowed.

Joan: Did you know he (Luke) has a girlfriend?
Will: Luke?

Grace: Rove and Iris are perfect for each other. They'll probably have a houseful of emotionally damaged babies by senior year.

Joan: (to Mascot God) Bite me, big bird.

Iris: (about Adam) A is so talented.
Joan: A? You're calling him A?

Pizza Delivery God: (After delivering Joan a pizza) No tip? I got it here in under thirty minutes.
Joan: Oh, like that's really hard for you?!

Street Guitarist God: (singing show theme off-key) Just a stranger on the bus…
Joan: Grace was right. You do suck.

Street Guitarist God: (singing badly) I said yeah…
Joan: (interrupting) That was really humiliating. God should know how to carry a tune.

Grace: Look at my butt one more time, Friedman, I dare you!

Joan: Mom's working late again. Can we order pizza?
Will: Already on its way.
Joan, Luke, Will: Extra garlic.

Michelle: You're not what I expected.
Kevin: You thought I'd be taller, right.

Luke: Dad, when you get your gun back, will you take me down to the shooting range?
Will: You want to learn how to shoot?
Luke: Ballistics is Applied Physics and… you know… I like blowing stuff up.
Will: Sure. Me too.

Coach Carol Keady: (after Friedman gets knocked down with a medicine ball) No lying down, Mr. Friedman.

Luke: You've got the world's largest blind spot, you know that? One minute, you discern an oblique pattern that's invisible to mere mortals, the next, you can't even see a conclusive certainty that's staring you in the face.
Will: I have no idea what you just said.
Luke: You always say I get my brain from Mom. That's not true, I get it from you.
Will: Then why didn't I understand what you said?

Joan: Before you launch into the embarrassing lecture on the health benefits of garlic, this is my friend Casper and she doesn't care.
Will: (to Casper) Nice to meet you. It is a natural antibiotic.
Casper: It also lowers blood pressure.
Will: I love this kid.