Joan of Arcadia Season 2 Episode 10

Joan: Oh, that is so sweet! I wanna be Jewish!

Joan: God shouldn't pinch cheeks. It never makes the world better.

Grace: And just dealing with a lot of questions, that takes a lot of guts when there's no guarantee there'll be answers.

Grace's Father: You wanna go over your Torah portion again?
Grace: It's under neural lockdown.

Grace: If I hear the word "adorable," I will go postal.

Officious Hall Monitor God: I multi-task. Well, if I didn't… well, you wouldn't want to know.

Friedman: (helping Luke find a present) Consider the candlestick- a popular Shabbot favorite. (Off Luke's puzzled look) Shabbot..the lighting of the candles... Friday night...
Luke: She doesn't do that.
Friedman: Then she can use it to kill Colonel Mustard in the library.

Joan: So what are you wearing?
Grace: (sighing) A dress.
Joan: You're...wearing...a dress?
Grace: Oh, nice smirk.
Joan: I wasn't smirking! I was... I...had to sneeze.

Joan: Can we focus?
Officious Hall Monitor God: I'm always focused.

Rabbi Polonsky: My little girl in high heels . . .
Grace: Cry on the dress, Dad, and they become lethal weapons.

Grace: The Jews have survived 5,000 years of persecution, and I'm going to get finished off by the Girardis!

Joan: (reading) 'In ancient times, some tribes marked the coming of age ceremony by having the celebrant kill, cook and eat a large animal.'
Adam: I don't think there's going to be any hunting at Grace's party.
Joan: Nah, she's having it catered.

Grace: Have you been listening at all?
Joan: Yeah - angry, angry, angry, society, angry, angry, politics, angry.

Luke: People like these?
Friedman: I got five (kippah).
Luke: And you like them?
Friedman: Like them? They're bar mitzvah presents. Nobody likes them. They simply exist, like Stonehenge.

Grace: Oh, god, whoever invented pantyhose should be shot.

Grace: Me in a dress, it takes a village.