Joan of Arcadia Season 1 Episode 2

(Joan and Luke see Adam on the ground behind a garbage truck)
Joan: Who's the reject?
Luke: Adam Rove. Huge stoner. Hey, maybe he'll be your friend!
Joan: What is he doing?
Luke: Looking for lost brain cells?

God: Just because I speak doesn't mean anyone has to listen.
Joan: Really?
God: Yeah. Free Will is actually one of my better innovations. I give suggestions, not assignments.
Joan: I feel a suggestion coming on.
God: Stop squandering the potential I gave you... Stop underachieving... Have some pride...
Joan: Wait. In what? In school?
God: School's a start, yeah. Stand back (starts streetcleaner).
Joan: Pride? What happened to humility?
God: Humility isn't actually humility, unless you're good enough at something to be humble.

(Joan hands Adam his school bag, where inside are metal pieces he uses for his art)
Adam: (to Joan, referring to the art piece in front of him) Thanks for bringing these things back for the...thing.

Will: (after meeting Adam and Grace) These are Joan's new friends? A person of mysterious gender and space boy?

Adam: Well, nice work Jane.
(He leaves. Helen seems amused and looks at Joan)
Joan: He calls me "Jane" sometimes when he forgets that my name is Joan.

Will: We just passed an extremely rude boy outside.
Helen: No, that wasn't a boy. That was Grace Polk.

Mr. Price: If I even suspect that you are under the influence of drugs what will happen?
Adam: You'll urine test me.
Mr. Price: For your own good.
Adam: And call the cops.
Mr. Price: Uh...huh.
Adam: Ruin my life.
Mr. Price: All for your own good.

(the previous night God had appeared on TV and Joan's father turned off the TV)
God: Joan, you want proof? When you're all alone you practice french kissing in the mirror.
Joan: Shhhh. Why do you have to be so mean? Oh, and by the way, the other night, it was my father that turned you off, not me.
God: Oh, okay. He shall burn for eternity in Hell.
Joan: What? No, he's a nice guy and he didn't mean it...
God: I'm just kidding - where do you people get this stuff?

Adam: I talk to angels. (Joan stares at him) Relax, Jane, it's a metaphor.
Joan: What would you do if you really did talk to angels?
Adam: Keep my mouth shut.

Joan: Don't you have any friends that you could walk to school with?
Luke: Don't worry they'll think I'm cool stylin with my big sister. Oh wait you're worried that one of your friends will see us together... Oh, wait a minute, you don't have any friends.
Joan: And ironically you're still cramping my style.

Adam: Dude, are you smart?
Grace: Just because I rebuke to the whole "formal schooling equals knowledge" crap doesn't mean I'm stupid.

Joan: So, what do we do first?
Grace: Ask your brother for the answer.

Adam: I have an eidetic memory.
Joan: What's that?
Luke: Photographic.
Grace: (referring to Adam) He can barely remember his name.

Joan: Well, did we get it right?
Luke: It's like watching three monkeys build a particle accelerator out of tinfoil and a BB gun.

Helen: (to a late student) What is the reason for your tardiness?
Grace: Take a guess. He's still in his jammies.

Luke: (about the one nice thing he did that day) I didn't laugh when Joan was introduced to my AP chem class.

Joan: God.
Electrician God: Yes?
Joan: No, I was taking your name in vain, to be technical. Sorry.

Joan: So my true nature is I'm a catalyst? That's mad anticlimatic.
Electrician God: Anticlimactic. 'Anticlimatic' means you're...against the weather.

Electrician God: Okay, newsflash, Joan...you don't need to let me in on your thinking process. I'm omniscient.

Grace: What burns is the gas released when the wood gets hot. Therefore the reaction would have to be gasification through oxidation reduction, then combustion.
Luke: It is so hot that you know that.

Little Girl God: You'd like to give me a slap, wouldn't you?
Joan: Yeah...but you're so cute.
Little Girl God: By the way, as an instrument of Me, have some pride. Do better. Do your best.
Joan: Now I'd like to slap you.

Little Girl God: I put a lot of thought into the universe. I came up with the rules. It sets a bad example if I break them. Not to mention, it shows favouritism. Why should one person get a miracle, and not everybody else?