My Friend The Witch Doctor: Both Jonathan and Maddy are arguing over the correct chorus to the song. He insists it is:
Ooo eee, ooo ah ah bing bang
Walla walla, bing bang
Whilst she professes it to be:
Ooo eee, ooo ah ah
ding dang walla walla don lang
Both are actually wrong. The correct chorus is:
Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang
Walla walla, bing bang
(Maddy has apparently fainted at the sight of a magician chopping his fingers off.)
Jonathan: Help me get her on her back.
Magician: No, that's the worst thing you can do. She could've broken her neck. You could paralyse her for life.
Lizzie Gillespie: She's probably just fainted.
Adam Klaus: She's not exactly underweight. I tell you this is classic cardio-vascular stuff. Her face has gone blue.
Jonathan: What, under the blue lights you mean? I'm gonna turn her over.
Magician: Brilliant. So now she's a cabbage.
Jonathan [ as Adam starts to massage Maddy's chest ]: You know how to do this?
Adam: Just a question of firm rhythmical pressure on the breastbone.
Lizzie Gillespie: No you don't press it there, you press it here with both hands.
Maddy [ getting up, having obviously faked the faint ]: Oh yes, yes. All right. Thank you. I think we've established the canteloupe's nice and fresh. Wouldn't last five minutes with you lot faffing around me. You useless articles.
Magician: Oh great, so you were just…
Maddy: Trying to scare the shit out of everyone. Yeah. Hysterical wasn't it?
The book in Jonathan's hand when he is practising card magic tricks appears and disappears several times from frame to frame.
Jonathan Ross: In case you're wondering ladies & gentlemen, you're watching George and Mildred on UK Gold.
Ross is referring to the TV series, George & Mildred, which was itself a spin-off from Man about the House. (In the US, they had The Ropers, a spin-off of Three's Company, based on the same ideas). The show starred Brian Murphy (who can be seen in Jonathan Creek as the detective in Mother Redcap) as George and Yootha Joyce as Mildred.
Jonathan: Moist? We're driving here through the Great Grimpen Mire!
Jonathan is referring to the famous mire from The Hound of the Baskervilles by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Though fictional, there has been much speculation about which of the Dartmoor mires Doyle was writing. Many believe it is the Fox mire, as other landmarks in the story can be found nearby.
Jonathan: At no point in history did Charlie Drake sing "My Friend The Witch Doctor".
Maddy: He goes to see the witch doctor because his boomerang won't come back.
Jonathan: That was "My Boomerang Won't Come Back". It's a completely different song. There isn't even a witch doctor in it!
Charlie Drake is a British comedian and actor, famous for his slapstick routines and his catchphrase "Hello, my darlings!" He starred in several TV series and a number of films, none of which was terribly successful. His most memorable role was in the TV series, The Worker. He did record a number of songs, mostly novelty items, including My Boomerang Won't Come Back – although as Jonathan notes, he never did record the Witch Doctor song.
Jonathan: You wouldn't be sitting on Dennis Compton there would you?
Denis Compton (1918 – 1997) was a famous English footballer and cricketer. He played for Arsenal until his knee problems made it impossible for him to continue. As a cricketer, he was a leading England batsman and was at the top of his profession for almost three decades. He is, along with is brother, Leslie, the only individual to be a member of both the champion county cricket side (Middlesex) and cup-winning football club (Arsenal) in the same year – 1950.
Cards as Weapons by Ricky Jay.
The present Maddy gives Jonathan for his birthday. Ricky Jay is a famous magician and card thrower and the techniques in his book do work, so Jonathan's use of a playing card at an important point in the story is not actually as far-fetched as it might seem. The book was written in 1977 and has been out of print since its last reprint in 1988. Jay is in the Guinness Book of Records for throwing a playing card one-hundred-and-ninety feet at ninety miles an hour. His off-Broadway show Ricky Jay and his 52 Assistants was directed by David Mamet, and he has appeared in several films.