Judging Amy Season 1 Episode 1

Maxine: I know more about her ovaries than I do my own.

Vincent: This is what we call 'middle class angst.

Lauren: (talking about her book report) I was gonna do The Secret Garden, but I'm doing Everybody Poops instead.
Amy: How about... 'Everybody Poops in the Secret Garden'?

Lauren: Why are they talking about us like we're not here?
Amy: It's a family tradition, sweetie.

Bruce: Do you have a problem with me not being a woman?
Amy: Not if you don't.

Vincent: She's asleep.
Amy: She doesn't want me to tuck her in?
Vincent: No. No, she's not interested. She says that she loves you, but that she's not in love with you. No, that was another conversation.

Lauren: That's ridiculous! Cars just don't start moving.
Vincent: Please, Judge, give me a chance. I don't want to go to jail.
Lauren: Well, what are you going to do for me?
Vincent: I don't think Judge Barbie's supposed to say that.
Amy: Ok, bedtime!

Amy: What? I don't look judicial?
Maxine: No! You look like a deranged minister!

Vincent: No, no, no. It's a very bad idea to drink alone.
Amy: Well, it's either that or matricide.
Vincent: Then go ahead. I'll wait.