Keep It in the Family
ITV (ended 1983)
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Season 5
10/19/83The North Hampstead Operatic Society are putting on a production of Gilbert and Sullivan's The Mikado, with Hugo acting as director and Jacqui and Susan lined up for the roles of Yum-Yum and Pitti-Sing. Dudley attends the auditions at Stanley Barlow's bookshop in the hope of securing the lead, but has to make do with painting the scenery and playing the part of the third coolie in the chorus. Honourable secretary Stanley takes the role of the Mikado for himself. Meanwhile, Duncan is producing Oklahoma! for a rival society; his leading lady walks out on him, so he offers the role to Susan, who eagerly accepts. He heads off for London Airport to meet a Mr. San Pueblo from Tijuana, Mexico. Jacqui is disgusted when she learns her sister is planning to drop out of The Mikado, chastising Susan for her disloyalty. Dudley telephones Duncan's office to complain about his underhand behaviour, and Wilma takes the number of the church hall so that she can arrange for Duncan to ring him back when he returns. Dudley thinks he has the answer: Susan and Jacqui can exchange parts. This delights Susan, who agrees to stay, but Jacqui is distinctly piqued, feeling that Pitti-Sing isn't as good a role. Duncan arrives back at his office, having missed Mr. Pueblo at the airport; Wilma informs him that the gentleman telephoned, suggesting that they both join up for dinner that evening - and that she should come along too. Duncan asks Wilma for the telephone number of The Flying Dragon Chinese restaurant. She has jotted it down among a pile of others, so he takes a stab at it; the number he dials is that of the church hall, where the receiver is picked up by Dudley. He decides to teach Duncan a lesson, and assuming a Chinese accent pretends to reserve a table for three at about 8.30 p.m. Having lost her bid to retain the part of Yum-Yum, Jacqui retaliates by telephoning Duncan and offering to replace Susan as the leading lady in Oklahoma!; Duncan thinks this is a marvelous idea, but she asks him not to say anything about it for the time being: "I want to break it to them gently". Out of spite, Dudley switches the labels on his and Stanley's costumes, causing the latter to go home in a huff; Susan predicts that he'll be back - he's walked out twice already! Mr Pueblo calls Duncan's office to say he is going to be half an hour late, and the latter telephones the 'restaurant' to tell them to hold the table; when Hugo answers, Duncan realizes he has been duped and heads off to the church hall to kill Dudley, instructing Wilma to book them into another restaurant. Dudley and Duncan fight it out with prop Samurai swords, Dudley getting the upper hand just as Wilma calls to say she's tried every restaurant she can think of and they are all booked out. Duncan angrily reveals that Mr. Pueblo was going to buy Barney the Bionic Bulldog for the whole of Latin America; now it looks as if the deals' been blown - and its all Dudley's fault! Dudley suggests transforming the church hall into a mock Japanese restaurant; an idea so preposterous it just might work...moreless
10/12/83Duncan's rubber plant isn't flourishing in the Rush household, and Dudley's slobish habits aren't helping matters one bit. A new housekeeper is due to start, but Duncan insists on tidying the place up before she arrives. Meanwhile, Susan takes a break from her search for work and calls in at Barlow Books for a chat with Jacqui, explaining that what she really wants is a job where she can travel and meet interesting people; Jacqui suggests a bus conductress! Back at the house, the housekeeper - a Mrs. Francisco - arrives, just as Duncan accidentally smashes a pile of plates. Dudley plays a trick on her and Duncan as an 'entrance exam', and Mrs. Francisco takes her leave. Dudley arrives at Barlow Books and a mysterious gentleman named Mr. Veluva enters the shop; proclaiming himself to be a Wizard of the Third Order, he offers Dudley - whom he takes to be the new owner - books on wizardry and magic. Dudley buys them from him and on returning home tries casting a spell on Duncan's rubber plant to make it grow. Duncan, meanwhile, telephones the Job Centre, who arrange to send another housekeeper sometime that day. When the housekeeper arrives, it proves to be gentleman named Barry, whom it transpires is a fellow Wizard. He offers to try his superior magic on the rubber plant, then goes to view the kitchen. Jacqui and Susan then decide to teach their father a lesson over his warped sense of humour...moreless
10/5/83Dudley receives a 'Merry Monk' dressing-gown as an early birthday present from Muriel in Australia, which promotes the religious virtues of poverty, chastity and obedience, and wonders whether she is trying to tell him something. Jacqui and Susan blame their father for the loss of Duncan's possessions at Brighton the previous day; he couldn't go to his new flat because it was empty, and had to spend the night in a hotel. Duncan telephones whilst Dudley is in bed to ask if he can move in with the Rushes and live with them until he sorts himself out. The girls suggest he could live up in the studio, but their father is dead set against having his boss living under the same roof. Dudley then receives an advertisement in the post from the Baghdad and Oriental Wine Company, offering new customers unbelievable bargains from their North African selection of real wines at 7.50p for six bottles, and telephones through an order. In the meantime, Duncan makes an alphabetical inventory of his stolen possessions with the aid of Wilma, for his insurance claim. Jacqui and Susan decide that if their father won't have Duncan up in the studio, they'll have him down in their flat; despite Dudley's protests, they telephone Duncan, who says he'll be round later. Wilma's sister and her husband have a drapers shop which has caught fire, and they are selling off the salvaged stock - half-priced and slightly singed; Duncan asks her to buy him some bed linen and blankets, which she arranges to bring into the office the next day. Dudley fits a padlock to the front door in an effort to keep Duncan out, and promptly mislays the key; it proves to be a futile exercise, since Duncan gets in through the girls' back window. When Susan talks of pushing the beds together Dudley is panic-stricken and relents, allowing him to stay in the loft. Duncan telephones his office and asks Wilma to bring his bed linen and stuff round to the Rush house. Having located the key to the padlock, Dudley receives his order of wines, and finds they need an acquired taste. Duncan pops out for some hamburgers just as a storm breaks, and Wilma arrives with his bedclothes stuffed under her raincoat. She complains of being soaked and Dudley takes her upstairs to the loft, hanging her wet clothes up in the bathroom and providing a couple of Muriel's dresses; these prove too small for her, and he promises to try and borrow something from Jacqui. Then the doorknob comes off in his hand, trapping them inside as Muriel telephones from Australia.moreless
9/28/83The loft conversion of the Rush house having been completed, Dudley is rediscovering his first love by painting book illustrations for 'Alice in Wonderland'; at the moment he's at work on 'The Mad Hatter's Tea Party' with the help of his daughters, Jacqui and Susan, dressed in character as the Mad Hatter and Alice respectively. The White Rabbit is rather small, however. Dudley's eccentric sister Kate has found him a more suitable one, but she lives at Brighton and its too big to post. Duncan, meanwhile, is planning to move house from South Hampstead to West Hampstead on Saturday. He balks at the removal firm's quote of 250, and decides to hire a van and do it himself. Wilma doesn't fancy helping him hump furniture around, so he goes to the Rush house to enlist the help of Dudley, Jacqui and Susan with the bribe of a moth-eaten armchair and carpet for the studio. Come the day, Dudley cons Duncan into making a detour to Brighton to pick up the White Rabbit, and they park the van on the seafront. Whilst Susan and Jacqui change into bikinis for a quick swim and to indulge in a little sunbathing on the beach, Dudley and Duncan walk to Kate's house; she works in wholesale novelties, and is having problems with a batch of South Korean whoopie cushions when they arrive. Kate goes to fetch the rabbit and invites them to stay for tea, offering to whip up a few fairy cakes. Duncan inadvertently gets a foam-rubber Danger Mouse mask stuck to his head with 'miracle glue', but this proves to be the least of his worries when the girls arrive with the news that the van has been stolen together with all his possessions.moreless
9/14/83Dudley awakes with a hangover after a night on the town, and Susan lands a job as a circulation manager to Hugo, who is starting a new free magazine called Upper Crust; so titled because it is aimed at the upper crust of society. Susan's role is putting it through people's letterboxes, but fortunately she likes being out in the open air. Meanwhile Dudley's overseas syndication royalties on Barney the Bionic Bulldog arrive at Duncan's office; a pretty substantial amount. Duncan bids his secretary Wilma make out a cheque, but she points out that in all likelihood Dudley won't work anymore until he's spent the money. Duncan considers investing it for a year or two on Dudley's behalf and letting him have the interest - or some of it! - but the forthcoming arrival of an auditor rules this out. He decides to pop around to the Rush house to see if he can find a chink in Dudley's armour-plated idleness, hoping to persuade him to buy a new car and fill the tank with petrol. Meanwhile Susan drops in at Barlow Books to take the weight off her feet after swamping the top people of Hampstead with copies of Upper Crust; she has about fifty left, and persuades Jacqui to get rid of them for her on her way home. Hugo pays a call on Dudley, showing him a copy of the magazine; he feels it needs something to pep it up, and asks whether Dudley can draw a comic sketch rather like Barney - he will of course be handsomely paid. Lured by the thought of extra money, Dudley produces a folder marked 'Ideas Rejected By Duncan!' and proffers a few characters. Hugo rejects the effeminate Porky the Pirate as being politically incorrect and Freddy the Ferret as being "a bit cloth cap and muffler", but takes to the more upmarket Maurice the Mink, seeing him as an animal with whom his readers are more likely to identify. Dudley makes a start on the first page, and Duncan arrives and informs him about the money he has coming to him; Dudley decides to use it to convert the loft into an artists' studio, and calls in a Mr. Ryder to undertake the job. It then transpires that Wilma has added the date in with the amount of Dudley's royalties in the office ledger, making it 1,983 over...moreless
9/7/83Muriel has gone to Australia on holiday to visit her mother, leaving Dudley in the care of their daughters. Jacqui has started a new job at Stanley Barlow's bookshop, leaving Susan at home to prepare meals for their father, although her cooking leaves much to be desired. Growing tired of the complaints, Susan suggests to her sister that they find their father a housekeeper. Duncan, meanwhile, is having problems with a jammed filing cabinet, and likewise hits on the idea of getting Dudley a housekeeper so that he can concentrate on drawing his cartoons; he finds one in Madge Carew, the bullying wife of handyman Arthur Carew. Susan engages a pleasant woman named Elsie Bates from an agency, whilst Dudley - not to be outdone - also engages a housekeeper; an attractive Swedish blonde named Ingrid. Chaos ensues when the three females meet and argue over the position.moreless
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