Keeping Up Appearances

Hyacinth: [to the Registrar, whom she's mistaken as trying to marry Daddy] You ought to be ashamed, forcing him into matrimony! You can see by his condition he's not up for the demands of the flesh!

Hyacinth: What kind of excitement did [Daddy] have last night? Onslo: I don't know, but he had a smile on his face like our old Bull Terrier.

Elizabeth: Where to, Hyacinth? Hyacinth: Where to, indeed? I often ask the same thing of Richard. "Where are we going, Richard?" I ask. "Whither are we bound?" Emmett: And what does Richard say? Richard: Not a lot really.

Daisy: If you were married to our Hyacinth, you'd always wear a jacket. Onslow: If I was married to your Hyacinth, I'd be wearing ear plugs.

Missionary: [After Hyacinth instructs the missionary how he should behave on his visits] I've only had to remove my shoes once before. Hyacinth: Oh? Missionary: And that was in a mosque. And the sermon was shorter.

Hyacinth: [To a missionary who has visited her home] I'm sure the Lord would have no objection to your remarking on the quality of the furnishings you're sometimes privileged to enjoy.