In this episode it looks as if Luanne lives on the same side of the alley as Hank, however, it was established early on that she lives on the same side as Bill.
Tagline: "Pretend you're asleep so they can make out." -Dale
Bill: I know how dark it is for you right now, lying in your own emotional vomit. You're in hell now, Boomhauer and the only way out is through a long, dark tunnel. And you're afraid to go in because there's a train coming at you carrying a boxcar full of heartbreak. Well, let me tell you something: All you can do is let it hit you and then try to find your legs. I've taken that hit more times than I can remember. Look at me, Boomhauer. I'm fat, and I'm old and every day I'm just going to wake up fatter and older. But somehow I manage to drag this fat, old, bald bastard out into the alley every day. I'm out there digging holes, falling into them climbing out, trying again and tomorrow, I'm going to hang outside at a ladies' prison. And the first thing those lady cons are going to see after 20 years...is me. Will I get one? Experience says no. Will I be out there next month? If I'm alive, you better believe it. You got to get right back up on that tanning bed, slip into a tight T-shirt, wash off some of that cologne and get yourself out of that tunnel and into some strange woman's bed!
Dale: The alley was balanced before: a cool single guy, and a cool married guy; a loser single guy, and a loser married guy. Now it's me and three losers!
Bill (as he and Boomhauer are arguing at Marlene's pool, and Bill gets pushed in): This is a digital watch! I could have been electrocuted!
Hank: Let's face it, we've been down the imaginary-friend road before. There were those guys you claimed you played soccer with, Larry and Wayne.
Bill: You know, Larry and Wayne may have been imaginary, but they were a lot more supportive than you.
Dale: You didn't hear what they were saying behind your back.
Hank: Remember when you fell in love with that speed-skater on the Wheaties box? Turns out she was real too, but that doesn't make her your girlfriend.
Luanne: She's not coming back, honey.
Bobby: 'Course she is. She's Mr. Boomhauer's girlfriend.
Luanne: Let's see, how can I explain this...? You know how you can be happy eating vanilla ice cream day after day after day? Well, Mr. Boomhauer isn't just like that. See, he likes to try different flavors.
Bobby: But he can have a new flavor every day! He's dating the ice cream lady!
Luanne: Mr. Boomhauer had grown-up sex with the ice cream lady, and now he's dumped her. You're never gonna have ice cream again, Bobby.
Bill: All he's going to do is give her one marathon night of love-making. I would have given her the same amount of love, but stretched out over a lifetime!
Bill: My name is Bill Dauterive. I would be honored if I could have some of your hair for my collection.
Hank: What are you doing?
Bill: I am flirting.
Bill: Don't play Dido! Please don't play Dido! (music starts in Boomhauer's house: "Thank You" by Dido) Aaugh! Dido!
Dale: We gotta do something. The alley was balanced before. A cool single guy, and a cool married guy. A loser single guy, and a loser married guy. Now it's me and three losers!
Bill: So, what were you in for?
Alicia: Killed my boyfriend.
Bill: Does that mean you're single?
Marlene: I don't know much about you, except where you're ticklish.
Boomhauer: Well, let's go back to my place and see if you can make me laugh.
Peggy: And then I said 'I know you, you're the weatherman from channel 7, right?' And he says 'No, I'm not,' and then I said 'What are you talking about? Of course you are! You are that guy!' And he said 'No, I am not,' and you know what? It wasn't!
Peggy: Why can't Boomhauer date someone smart for once? Like a Congresswoman, so I could get my law passed.
The song used throughout the episode to indicate Boomhauer having sex was "Thank You" by Dido. The song on the playing on the radio after Boomhauer proposes is "Barracuda" by Heart.
This is the first episode in the show's run that focuses on Boomhauer. He has been used merely as a supporting character until this point.
User Score: 3908
User Score: 2563
User Score: 2072
User Score: 1603
User Score: 627
User Score: 462
User Score: 430
User Score: 393
User Score: 178
User Score: 169
User Score: 138
User Score: 136
User Score: 89
User Score: 79
User Score: 78
User Score: 50
User Score: 48
User Score: 47
User Score: 45
User Score: 45