Tagline: "Maybe this nutjob actually knows what he's doing." -Oskar de Vries (imitating Hank)
Anzon: This is not working; I want you to walk like you have an invisible top hat on
Hank: You want me to what now?
Anzon: TOP HAT!
Luanne: I just want to live in a world where Santa can get into your house, but thieves can't!
Bobby (as the family wakes up in the middle of the night to Ladybird's hysteric barking. They see no intruders, but Ladybird has destroyed the couch's cushions): I guess after 10 years of not being allowed on the couch she finally SNAPPED!
Bill (as the Hills return home to see their house in disarray and call the police, believing they have been robbed): Oh sure; when Hank calls the police they come right over. When I call, they say it's not their job to keep me company.
(Anzon de Vries is teaching Hank how to walk Ladybird in the alley while the guys look on)
Anzon: No, you must be the leader! Some hacks refer to this as being the alpha dog – I call it being the pack leader dog. Much fresher.
(The Hills are watching Bobby's baseball game when he comes up to bat)
Hank: It's the bottom of the fifth, so it's an official game. If it starts to rain while Bobby's at bat, it'll end the game and Bobby will get a 'W' without embarrassing himself.
(The police are investigating what they think is a break-in at the Hills' house)
Police Officer: Most people think it was the person you'd least expect, but we usually find it's the person you MOST expect (looks at Lucky).
Hank: Well, I don't know anyone who would want to do this.
Police Officer: Really? Because the perpetrator usually happens to be the shadiest looking guy in the room. (tilts his head in Lucky's direction) In this room.
Old Man: (to Mr. de Vries) You remind me of a golden retriever I used to have. May I pet you?
Oskar de Vries: (to Hank) Sorry I'm late, I'm very important. So, you are Ladybird's human.