King of The Hill

Kahn: I am Kahn Souphanousinphone. Upon entering the lavatory, I observed two sets of footprints: one set pointing up and the other down, evidence of love most foul! I discovered the deplorable act, and I will find the perpetrators. I will begin my questioning with you, Dale Gribble. Has your wife been out of your sight for even five minutes? Dale: No, she's been clingy all night. John Redcorn: I can verify that Nancy has not been out of Dale's sight at all. Bill: I don't have an alibi. Kahn: You're Bill Dauterive. That your alibi.

Hank: It'll be a disaster if we get caught, Peggy. We're on a train. That means we are at this very moment under the jurisdiction of the Texas Railroad Commission. Peggy: Yes, so? Hank: The railroad commission also regulates propane. If what we did in that bathroom becomes public, Strickland Propane could receive sanctions, maybe even the propane death penalty.

Bobby: What a cool place for a secret clubhouse! Connie: I hope there are old textbooks up there from when your parents were in school. Joseph: I hope there are mannequins! Connie: I'm not going first. Joseph: You gotta go, Bobby, 'cause if your deformed twin brother's up there, he should see your face first. Bobby (sighs): I guess you're right.

Lucky: It's all right. We've all messed up and given away the plot of something. Take it from me; "Fire" ain't the worst thing you can yell in a theater. It's "Bruce Willis is dead!"

Boomhauer: Peggy, happy birthday, man. I want you to meet ol' dang ol' Rhonda here. She's hearing... hearing-impaired, but she communicates with dang ol' language of love, you know, um, hot, man

Hank: Fun within prescribed limits. This can work!

Actor: One of our actresses didn't show. How would you like to be in the program? All you have to do is be blond and pretty. Luanne (squeals and giggles): I can do both those things!

(After Khan accuses Lucky and Luanne) Lucky: Not that there is anything wrong with your premise, but no it was not us. Luanne: We haven't done it in public since Lucky nearly fell off a ferris wheel.

Peggy: I would not put it past sex-crazed hobos. Hank: I wouldn't put it past a hobo. Peggy: You are not helping Hank!

Peggy: My feet are smoking guns!

Kahn: Hey, Hank Hill! Remember the 70s? My people ambushing your people in a jungle?