King of The Hill Season 5 Episode 14

Dale: Carl, I'm off to round up some cockroaches. Any one of which would have made a better janitor than you!

Dale: I'll just have to find a new spot to keep my key to the executive washroom. (shows key and chuckles) Who has to make?
Peggy: I...I could go
Dale: Eh-eh, you're not an executive; hold it in 'til we get tot he restaurant.

Louis: (just fired by Dale) But I've got four children!
Dale: I had someone earlier today with 8. Heck, I once killed a beetle with 30 million in her egg sack.

Dale: (bragging about features of his office to Nancy and the Hills)
All of these plants are real and give off oxygen, which I use throughout the day.

Worker 1: I hear Mitch got 86ed, too!
Worker 2: Yeah. At his own damned birthday party! Gribble walked in, blew out the candles, told him to leave the cake and get out.

Hank: Would you want to sleep with a bum?
Dale: No.
Hank: That's right. See, there's nothing sexier than a man with a 9-to-5 job which is why I lined up a new job for you. Remember my cousin Rita?
Dale: The one with the underbite?
Hank: Yeah. Well, she just quit her job at that adhesives company and she's putting in a good word for you to replace her.
Dale: Well, I hope she puts it in writing because you can barely understand her when she talks.

Hank: Hey, Dale how are things with Nancy? You know, you used to, uh, brag about stuff.
Dale: I didn't mean to brag. It's just that we were having spectacular sex.
Hank: Yeah, but, uh, not so much lately, huh?
Dale: Maybe it's something I ate. What's the opposite of oysters? Apples?

Dale: Here's what we'll do for your science project. We will breed servant roaches. As long as we ensure that I am the first thing the roaches see when they are born they will think I am their mother and will therefore obey my every command. My every command.
Joseph: Think we can train them to crawl through a maze?
Dale: Oh, we'll train them to do worse things than that, Joseph.

Dale: Now if you excuse me I've got some love to give, (to Nancy) and some love to make

Dale: (after getting the suit covered in cockroach guts) Good news Joseph, you can have your suit back.

Nancy: You're too sick to exterminate shug!
Dale: I'll tell you what I told that doctor, I'm not quitting you incompetent quack!

Dale: (to Joseph) You keep this up Joseph and you're fired from this family!
Nancy: Dale!
Dale: (to Nancy) You're next Blondie

(Dale is firing an employee in front of Hank and Peggy)
Dale: Louis, you've been with Stik Tek how long?
Louis: It'll be fourteen years next week.
Dale: No, it won't. You're fired!
Louis: Fired? But I...
Dale: Yeah, yeah. Look, I have to eat, she has to pee, and he has to get back to selling propane or he'll wind up in the same boat as you.

Miss Pittman: Mr. Gribble, how would you like to make this your permanent job?
Dale: Firing Gladstone? Sure! Hey, Gladstone...!

Miss Pittman: Dallas is downsizing the flavored adhesive division. Pina colada was killing lab monkeys left and right.

Miss Pittman: Oh, you're bald. And not in an attractive way, like Sean Connery.

Dale: I have more pressures than any of you. You ever try replacing a cockroach's blood with root beer?
Hank: You know I haven't.
Dale: Then don't judge me.

Boss: Welcome to Stick Tech, Oh, you're late.
Dale: Nu-huh! My watch says it is 9:06. Do you all start at 9:00?
Boss: A team is only as strong as its weakest player, Mr. Gribble. Here at Stick Tech, we run a strong team.