Veteran: (about Hank) You mean to tell me that this bloodsucking goniff never served his country?
Cotton: 4-F. Got out on account of his narrow urethra! The only uniform he ever wore was the Boy Scouts.
Hank: I made it to Eagle Scout. And Dad, you know the war was over. Besides, I tried to enlist, but the army felt I wouldn't be able to relieve myself efficiently under duress, especially in front of others.