by Dane Youssef
AH, ANOTHER DAY WITH THE MOST ESTEEMED AND ICONC FAMILY IN TEXAS SINCE THE EWINGS. And... speaking of which, this is also very soap-opera-ish. "DYNASTY" and "MELROSE PLACE" some days had absolutely NOTHING on Rainey Street.
I had nothing but contempt for Dale this week. He has a better life than he deserves... and that's kind of the joke. I mean, I know that if Bill was to break out of his miserable pathetic state is kind of "Jump the Shark" territory. But the happy ending is... now John has a steady wife and kids.
And... Joseph didn't pursue a romantic intimate relationship with a blood relative. Now that's not just a silver lining--that's solid-gold. Joe's got enough redneck hillbilly environment to overcome....
I guess the message here is just because everyone else seems to... doesn't mean it's right for you. Bill was doing a great job raising the seed of two different people--he wasn't enjoying it. Maybe that's 'cause he was doing it right. Dale is a devoted father. That doesn't mean he's a good father. Joseph does mostly take after Dale--and somehow, that's not really a good thing. That's not a point is Joseph's favor. Joseph has emulated Dale's goofiness, idiocy, social ineptitude and other jack-ass-ery.
I felt like one episode should have ended with Bill marrying Kahn mother Laoma and them getting a dog together. Dale's one of my favorite characters, although he's a five-star asshole. Five? Hell, maybe six. Dale deserves nothing but the worst. I know that Nancy committed adultery on him for well over a decade, but let's all not pretend she betrayed such a good noble man. Dale's not just a coward. He's a weasel and a tool also. Like Eric Cartman and Sheldon Cooper, they're your favorite scene-stealing characters--but you wouldn't want to know these people in real life. You especially wouldn't want them as your friends.
Bill deserves all the happiness in the world. That's pretty much why he doesn't get it. Any at all, really. I wanted to kill Dale at the end of this one. Well, not even the through it.
See, Dale raises the seed of Redcorn and makes it own. Bill does the same with his two others--everybody wins. But... I guess the problem is if Bill ever breaks out of his misery, there's nowhere to go but downhill.
Hmmm... well, I guess that might've worked as after twelve seasons, it was time for this thing to end. For the sun to set over the Hills--and with a nearly infallible record.
Redcorn accepted Dale raising Joseph. Could neither Dale nor Redcorn accept Dale raising Kate and Drew? Heh... Well, it's good Redcorn finally, finally got himself a solid family. But... as we all know (as always), Bill deserved it more. WAY more. Especially more than Dale. Jesus, what a prick.
After this weekly installment, we all kind of wish that Nancy had ran off with Redcorn... taken Joseph... and left Dale in the deepest, darkest ditch there is...
--Always Too Sincere, DANE YOUSSEF