Kitchen Confidential Season 1 Episode 1

Jack: (narrating) Here's the thing about second chances: Sometimes it comes down to one person's opinion. And I gave that person the finger, literally.

Steven : Teddy cut my finger off, see.
(Steven shows his severed hand and squirts Jack with blood)
Jack: Oh, will you stop screwing around and sew it back on.
Steven : Yeah, I would but umm, it's not here.

(After Teddy accidentally chopped Steven's finger off)
Steven: Great. Anybody seen my fingertip?
Jim: Look, it's, it's gone. Your fingertip is gone.
Steven: Yeah, well it didn't sprout legs, so it's gotta be here somewhere.

Jim: Don't touch my onions. I'm a trained chef, dammit, and I demand your respect you.. you mother scratcher!
Steven: Mother scratcher? Finally, you showed sack. Congratulations mate, you passed.

Reece: Look, I've been here since three restaurants ago. It's under Ryder.
(Mimi checks the book)
Mimi: Yeah, umm, sorry I don't see a Ryder.
Reece: Oh, right, right. It's under Daisy Miller.
(Mimi checks the book again)
Mimi: Umm, yeah. You can't just pick a name out of the book and post a reservation.
Reece: Are you calling me a liar?
Mimi: No, no, not a liar. More of an opportunist.

(On the phone to Suze)
Jack: Hey, can you sneak out? I want you here. We open in, like five minutes, I'm freaking out.
Suze: I'd love to, but somebody stole my dishwashers.
Jack: No, no, stole. No, no, borrow.

Jack: Ahh, the floor doesn't make does decisions. I do.
Mimi: The floor? Did you just call me the floor, like I'm something beneath you?
Jack: No, no, we all know who you're beneath.
Mimi: Okay, Pino might have a soft spot for losers but I don't. I've asked around and I found out what happened at your last two restaurants. I've invested way too much to let that happen here, so the second you make a single mistake, I'm gonna be there to take the picture.
(Mimi walks away)
Jack: Cheese!
(Jim runs to Jack and gives him a block of cheese)
Jim: Here you go.
Jack: Get away from me.

Jack: (to Tanya) But you cannot screw this up. Okay? When Daisy Miller arrives tonight, I want you to give her our best table, okay, and our best waiter. Matter of fact, I want you to give her anything she asks for. A pedicure, your kidney, anything. We live or die by this review.

Jack: Tanya, did you just say Daisy Miller?
Tanya: Why? Was I not supposed to?
Jack: No, no.
Tanya: Oh, so she's really a man.

Steven: Look at this veal. This veal is gorgeous. If I was another veal, I'd be making love to this veal.
(Jack smells the veal)
Jack: Tell me you didn't put the veal down your pants?
Steven: So what if I did?

(About Jack)
Mimi: All I know is that this guy is a total fraud with a very small penis.
Donna: How do you know that?
Mimi: I don't. It's just a rumor I'm starting.

Jack: Oh what's this supposed to be, Tuna Tartar?
Jim: Yeah.
Jack: Looks like something that fell out of my dog.

(About Jim)
Steven: Jiminy, so should I haze him to point of tears or beyond?
Jack: Surprise me.

(First meeting with Jim)
Jim: I'm Jim. The new guy.
Jack: I don't have a Jim. I didn't hire a Jim.
Jim: Ah no, I'm the new guy. I mean, I was the new guy, technically Friday was my first day, but then Sergio left. (begging) I can't go back to Utah. Have you ever eaten in Utah? I am begging you, you gotta let me stay.
Jack: I'll only pay you half what the other guy paid you.

Jack: (after meeting Mimi) Am I crazy or does she hate me?
Steven: No, she's hates you. Probably thinks you're going to bankrupt him before she does. Clever girl.

(Jack is recruiting his former gang and shows Steven the restaurant)
Steven: Bloody hell. This place is awesome. It's like where food and money come to have sex.
Jack: Which is why I thought of you first.

(About Jack accepting a job at Nolita)
Jack: Who am I kidding? Come on, I can lie to them, I can't lie to myself. I haven't run a kitchen in years.
Suze: No, no, you gotta go. This place is a joke and I say that as your girlfriend, not your boss.
Tyrone: As Head Chef, I'm offended by that remark.
Suze: Tyrone, you're a walking can opener. (grabs Jack) This man is a chef.

Pino: You have a fine resumé. So, three years ago, you disappear, poof. What happened?
Jack: I've been away. There's this place in France.
Pino: Where the ladies wear no pants. It's a joke.

Ms Roberts: (voice-over, on the phone) Mr Bourdain, this is Ms Roberts from City Bank. For the third time, you cannot use your credit card to pay your credit card bill.

Jack: (narrating) One of the thousand things that sucks about sobriety, is that your messages become a lot less interesting.

Jack: (narrating) The truth is, from the age of eight, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I was born to cook, I loved everything about it. The heat, the pressure, the sheer joy of doing. But most of all, I love satisfying people's appetites, especially my own.

Jack: Tanya, let's talk. Let me start by saying you're very sweet and stylish -- whew! One might even say you -- you put the 'Ho' in hostess.
Tanya: Why, thank you!