Las Vegas Season 1 Episode 1

Danny: (voiceover) I'm in big trouble here. I gotta talk to Mary. She'll know what to do about Big Ed and this family thing. Mary always knows what to do.

(seeing Delinda walk into the room)
Danny: (voiceover) She may actually be worth getting killed for.

Ed: How long you been in Vegas?
Delinda: A few days.
Ed: Where were you stayin'?
Danny: (voiceover) Oh, no. Don't tell him.
Delinda: At Danny's place.
Danny: (voiceover) Oh, she told him!

Danny: (voiceover) Never sleep with the boss's daughter.
Ed: I'm gonna kill him.
Danny: (voiceover) Especially if the boss is Big Ed Deline, former head of CIA counterintelligence and the greatest surveillance security man Vegas has ever seen.
Ed: Let me get to that Judas in there.
Delinda: Daddy.
Danny: (voiceover) Oh, no. He's gone straight to the Biblical references. If he starts quoting Sun Tzu's Art of War, I'm screwed.
Ed: Hold out bait to entice the enemy and then crush 'em.
Delinda: Daddy.
Danny: (voiceover) That was a little obvious. Personally, I would've picked an obscure passage from Chapter 12, Attack by Fire.
Delinda: If anything happens to Danny, Daddy, and I mean anything at all, I'll kill myself.
Danny: (voiceover) Oh, great. Now he's gonna blame me for that, too.
Delinda: And that includes firing him.
Danny: (voiceover) At least I get to keep my job. Not that I'm gonna want to since Big Ed can do things to you with a fork that'll make you cry for your mama.

Ed: To say that I'm disappointed in you would be an understatement of epic proportions. Now apart from the fact that she's my daughter, this is a question I'm asking you as executive vice president in charge of surveillance and security for a multi-billion dollar corporation. Do you routinely jump into bed with women who you do not know the background of? Because, if you do, that is a major breach of security.
Danny: No, sir, I do not.
Ed: So it's just with my daughter then.
Danny: (Voiceover) Oh, I walked right into that one.

(Big Ed and Paulie watch Danny convince the bum to leave)
Big Ed: He did a good thing. We'd have had that 40 grand back in a New York second. Kid did the right thing.
Paulie: Does this mean you're not still pissed at him?
Big Ed: What, are you nuts? I'm gonna kill him.

(Dana Barry and a Cowboy are having sex in an elevator)
Danny: (Outside the elevator) I'm sorry to interrupt, Miss Barry, but there's a camera directly over you. We can see what you're doing.
Miss Barry: I know.

Danny: I'm sorry, but I'm in kind of a pickle.
Mary: Oh, you and your pickle are in a pickle, all right.

(Big Ed catches his daughter in bed with Danny)
Delinda: Hi, daddy.
Danny: (Voiceover) Daddy?
Bid Ed: (To his men) Out.
Danny: (Voiceover) Welcome to the worst day of my life.

Danny: (voiceover) It's gonna be one of those days.
Ed: Oh, and Danny.
Danny: Yeah.
Ed: Um, welcome to the family.
Danny: What?
Ed: If I catch you...lookin' at another girl, take a poison pill, 'cause I'll kill ya.
Danny: (voiceover) Okay, I guess it's not gonna be one of those days. It's gonna be worse.

Big Ed: Hey, uh, you're not, uh...
Danny: No, no, I swear.
Sam: Don't worry, the only one he's doing is your daughter.