Late Night Staff's Thanksgiving Greeting: Happy Thanksgiving from us to all of you. Enjoy your family and friends. We'd like to do the same, but we can't. We have to work, thanks to Conan. We asked for the day off but Conan said, "I don't pay you to eat turkey." He's a real bastard. Real bastard. Well, we better get back to work now before he beats us. Happy Thanksgiving!
Conan: This Thanksgiving, many Americans were actually able to get advice on how to cook their turkeys over the Internet. Yeah, be warned though, if you make a typo when trying to visit the Butterball website, you end up looking at gay porn.
Conan: Of coarse since its Thanksgiving, most people across the country ate turkey. In fact, Tom Cruise said, "Today was the second time this year Katie and I used our turkey baster."
Conan: Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson announced they're getting a divorce. Yeah, I was thinking about it: first there's Brad and Jennifer, now Nick and Jessica. This means the most stable marriage in Hollywood is Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown.
Conan: President Bush spent Thanksgiving at his ranch in Crawford, Texas with his family. Meanwhile, Dick Cheney spent the day watching the film "It's a Wonderful Life" and rooting for Mr. Potter.
Conan: This year's parade also featured a performance from "The Beach Boys." Yeah, because nothing says late November in New York like "The Beach Boys."
Conan: Today during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, this is true, part of the giant Barney balloon deflated and went limp. This is true. Afterwards Barney said, "I swear this has never happened before."
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