"I believe the Hamas victory in the recent Palenstinian elections means..."
President George W. Bush's Survey Response: "Hamas? I love that stuff on my pita chips!"
"I knew that I was in love with the person I married when..."
Donald Trump's Survey Response: "The hair on the back of my comb-over stood up."
"I believe the success of "Brokeback Mountain" was mostly due to..."
Clay Aiken's Survey Response: "me buying a million tickets."
"The retirement of Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan means..."
Alan Greenspan's Survey Response: "Cristal and groupies 24-7 bee-atch!"
"If I found a genie in a bottle I would..."
M.C. Hammer's Survey Response: "put the bottle with the other bottles, and then head down to the recycling center."
"The hardest part about having a drug problem is..."
James Frey's Survey Response: "admitting you made it up."
"The fictional character I'd most like to meet is..."
Kirstie Alley's Survey Response: "The Stay Puff Marshmallow Man. Oh, did you say, 'meet?' I thought you said, 'eat.'"
"When it comes to the Seven Dwarfs, I'm most like..."
O.J. Simpson's Survey Response: "Murderey."
"One thing my kids take for granted that I wish I'd grown up with is..."
Larry King's Survey Response: "flint spearheads."
"I've always been a sucker for men who have..."
Paris Hilton's Survey Response: "penises."