Late Night with Conan O'Brien

Season 12 Episode 72

Donald Trump, Mekhi Phifer, Demitri Martin

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Aired Weekdays 12:35 AM Feb 02, 2005 on NBC
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Donald Trump, Mekhi Phifer, Demitri Martin
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Donald Trump, Mekhi Phifer, Demitri Martin. Comedy bits included Celebrity interviews with Michael Jackson and Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and a door-to-door salesman drops by the Late Night studio.

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    • TRIVIA (0)

    • QUOTES (7)

      • Conan: [Talking about Trump] He just gave me look like, "Gold robots will beat you to death if you don't agree with me."

      • Conan: What about a bachelor party? There was no bachelor party. Why?
        Donald Trump: Well I didn't want it because it is such a temptation and you know it's like if you suffer from a horrible disease like alcoholism and you put a glass of scotch there, so I never want to be tempted.
        Conan: Yeah, but you're gonna sometimes bump into other women in the world just walking around.
        Donald Trump: I don't even wanna look. Like you, you're a happily married guy...
        Conan: I'm not dead buddy! Hahahah... Just kidding, everyone knows I'm asexual.

      • Conan: If you're convicted, you're going to end up going to a real prison. That's scary.
        "Michael Jackson": Oh big deal. Prison doesn't scare a big, black tank like me.

      • "Michael Jackson": I offered to plea bargin.
        Conan: You offered to plea bargin? I hadn't heard this.
        "Michael Jackson": Uh huh. I offered to plead guilty if in return, they'd let me serve a life sentence in juvenile hall.
        Conan: Well I'm sorry, that can't happen Michael.
        "Michael Jackson": But why? With me there they wouldn't even need guards. I mean I'd make sure those kids never got away, until of coarse, they turned eighteen and became legally disgusting.
        Conan: So eighteen is legally disgusting?
        "Michael Jackson": Uh huh. Oh yes, I call it "ick-teen."

      • Conan: What are you looking for in a jury?
        "Michael Jackson": Well Conan, just like any American, all I want is a jury of my peers.
        Conan: A jury of your peers, that sounds fair.
        "Michael Jackson": You know, the kind of guy who goes home, talks to his lama, climbs up in his wishing tree, is asleep by ten in his hyperbaric chamber, just a regular Joe who straps his surgical mask on one ear at a time, dangles babies off balconies and packs his semen in dry ice and mails it to an anonymous surrogate mother in Australia.

      • "Michael Jackson": Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining!
        Conan: Wait a minute, who says that?
        "Michael Jackson": That's Judge Judy.

      • "Michael Jackson": Conan, did you know that every day I go to court I have to go through a humiliating search process?
        Conan: Really? A search process, you do Michael?
        "Michael Jackson": Uh huh. Every day my lower body is throughly searched and probed by an adult woman. If there's a hell, I've been there!

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