Ashton Kutcher remake of "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner": "Guess Who":
Ashton Kutcher remake of "A Raisin in the Sun": "Dude, Where's My Raisin?"
Willie Mays: the Say Hey Kid:
Barry Bonds: the say kid, do you know where I can get some good 'roids?
Sammy Sosa: played with Cubs:
Michael Jackson: played with cub scouts
Britney Spears: can't decide between national or international tour:
Kevin Federline: can't decide between getting high on the couch or in the tub
Extremely sexy Irishman: Colin Farrell:
Extremely sexy Irish late night talk show host: Colin Farrell if he had a late night talk show
Romeo and Juliet: love at first sight:
Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez: love after Jen broke off her engagement with Ben Affleck and divorced Cris Judd who'd been there after P. Diddy who she dated after divorcing model Ojani Noa, and five days after Marc got a judge in the Dominican Republic to sign off on his divorce from former Miss Universe Dayanara Torres who he dated after model Kim Vilanueva who is three women removed from the mother of his daughter Arianna, Debbie Rosado.
Jacques Chirac at the Vatican: "The Pope was a pilgrim for peace and reconciliation.":
Bush at the Vatican: "Gosh, just look at how many of us loved Frank Perdue."
Rosario Dawson: star of the popular new movie "Sin City":
Star Jones: star of the unpopular new movie "Chin City"
Goldilocks: wakes up in a bed surrounded by bears:
Paris Hilton: wakes up in a bed surrounded by Bears, Steelers and Patriots
Conan: Max, that was some basketball game last night, uh?
Max: Oh yeah Conan, that was really something.
Conan: Yeah, sure was some amazing basketball... did you watch it?
Max: No, did you?
Conan: I don't really like college basketball.
Max: Oh, me neither.
Conan: Yeah, I didn't watch it. I did catch some of the movie on NBC last night, Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Mork & Mindy.
Max: Oh, I caught all of that it was great!
Conan: Yeah, that was fascinating. I can't believe Robin Williams was supposed to say "nunu nana" originally, but he made a mistake and said "nanu nanu," and it became a huge catch phrase.
Max: Oh that blew me away.
Conan: It blew me away too Max!
Conan: Pfizer, the company that makes Viagra reported that profits went down six percent last year. Afterwards, Pfizer was embarassed and said, "I swear this has never happened before."
Conan: Sources in the Vatican say the College of Cardinals may decided to elect a black Pope. I think it'd be cool, a black Pope. Yeah, actually it looks like they may have already decided because this week the Popemobile was on "Pimp my Ride." An incredible sound system on that thing.
Conan: [Speaking interrupted by crowd yelling] Yay, alright, alright everybody, yeah! We got it going on tonight...aw yeah...everybody shut up. You know you got a good show when I'm telling them to shut up. That's not good TV host etiquette, no other host does that. I come out and I'm like "ahahah shutup!"