Conan: That's the way to get you're audience to stick around - yell at them. It's worked for Regis, its gonna work for me.
Conan: The Emmy Awards are this Sunday, and this year things will be a little different. This year, Star Jones will replace Joan Rivers on the red carpet. Star Jones will replace Joan Rivers on the red carpet, yeah. Which is good news for everyone except the carpet.
Conan: Earlier today, Britney Spears' mother lashed out at the press saying she's angry when they try and portray her daughter as white trash. Yeah, you could tell Spears' mother was mad, because after speaking she slammed the door on her trailer.
Conan: Brown University has received an one hundred million dollar gift from the man who distributes Jägermeister. A hundred million dollar gift from the guy who distributes Jägermeister. Unfortunatly, the man called the next day and said, "Listen dude, I was messed up." Appearantly he called a lot of people...