Conan "offered" the use of the Late Night studio for the 100 meter dash in the 2012 Summer Olympics, but he in fact, will not be in the studio (presumably) in 2012 since he is set to take over for Jay Leno on The Tonight Show.
Conan: [Singing] I had an unhappy childhood and you have to pay!
Conan: If Tom Cruise gets married to Katie Holmes, each of his wives will have been eleven years younger than the previous one. Yeah, which explains why yesterday Katie Holmes went up to Dakota Fanning and said, "Back off, bitch!"
Conan: Listen to this, a six hundred and forty-six pound catfish has been caught in Thailand, experts are calling it a new world record. Meanwhile, Kirstie Alley calls it "The thing I'm going to eat next."
Conan: Scientists announced this week that a diet high in soy beans and high in soy sauce may reduce fertility in men. Yeah, which finally explains China's dreadfully low population.
Conan: Earlier this week, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger spoke about the dangers of global warming. Yeah, Schwarzenegger's exact words were "Fire, hot, bad."