Conan: [Introducing a set of New U.S. Stamps] Here's one I think you're gonna like, but I could be wrong I often am.
Conan: [Speaking about the Rejected Fantastic Four Characters Stamp series] The Human Porch: 'Don't worry, I'll shelter you from the sun!'
Conan: The other day, Michael Jackson said that when he dies he wants his body to be frozen. Yeah, not only that, once Jackson is frozen he wants to have his body placed in an ice cream truck.
Conan: In a new interview, Drew Barrymore said she's gonna stop acting and become a director quote, "When her boobs start sagging." Yeah which, by the way, is the same reason that Michael Moore became a director.
Conan: Today Wal-Mart announced its opening a store in China. Yeah, a spokesperson for Wal-Mart said, "We figured we should finally start selling our crap to the people that make it."