Conan: How's your New Year's going so far Joel?
Joel: Half in the bag, Conezy.
Conan: You're an alcoholic! Hahaha!
Conan: Earlier this evening, ABC's World News Tonight debuted it's new dual-anchor format. Yeah, in a related story, Geraldo at Large is sticking with it's single-douchbag format.
Conan: Dirty Dancing star, Patrick Swayze, has announced he is working on a rap album. Yeah, industry experts say its important Swayze does the album now while he's hot.
Conan: According to the White House, while President Bush was spending the holidays at his Texas ranch, he was clearing brush and a tree branch cut his face. Yeah, as a result, the tree was cut down and tortured by Dick Cheney.