User Score: 20524
"Small Town News" includes a lost Prius and a ruined surprise party; "Good Wife" star Julianna Margulies shares another anecdote about her young son; a serious announcement from "Mayor Bloomberg"; comic Joe Wong does standup; Lady Antebellum performed "Just a Kiss."
Dave addresses --and jokes about-- the death threat against him by a man with ties to al Qaida; comedian Denis Leary rants about Twitter; Dave shows off the "heightened security" inside the theater; Appalachian cooking show host Elizabeth Cook plugs her show on Sirius Radio; on the first day of Drum Solo Week II, Tony Royster Jr. slaps the percussions.moreless
David Spade, Andy Kindler, and Lukas Nelson are the scheduled guests.
Alan shows up late in a spacesuit; a fake promo for Charlie Sheen's "Torpedo of Truth" tour; basketball great Charles Barkley rants on NCAA college dropouts; Sarah Vowell plugs her new book; Cold War Kids performed "Louder Than Ever."
Dave reacts poorly when a Winklevoss Twins joke bombs; Dave offers advice to the self-rehabbing Charlie Sheen; Robin Williams discusses the Oscars and promotes his first Broadway play, "Bengal Tiger At The Baghdad Zoo"; Gary Mintz is confused for "Bogdan, the Magnetic Boy"; Judy Greer plugs the new sitcom "Mad Love" and explains her early struggles in Hollywood.moreless
Brian Williams, Trey Parker, Matt Stone, and the Zac Brown Band are the scheduled guests.
Matthew Morrison, Jeff Altman, and Jessica Lea Mayfield are the scheduled guests.
Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) and Bright Eyes are the scheduled guests. Plus, Stupid Pet Tricks!
Rainn Wilson, Hank Aaron, and The Mountain Goats are the scheduled guests.
Amy Poehler, Dusty the thieving cat, and Deerhunter are the scheduled guests.
Donald Rumsfeld, Cobie Smulders, and Adele are the scheduled guests.
Paris Hilton, Nathan Fillion, and Scissor Sisters are the scheduled guests.
Bill Hader, champion grocery-bagger Krystal Smith, and Amos Lee are the scheduled guests.
Forest Whitaker, Irina Shayk, and Josh Groban are the scheduled guests. Plus, a special Top Ten from Joy Philbin!
Tom Brokaw and Theophilus London are the scheduled guests. Plus, the unvealing of the 2011 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue!
Ed Helms, Ted Alexandro, and The Dears the scheduled guests.
Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, Judah Friedlander, and Bryan Ferry are the scheduled guests.
Dave asks Biff to observe a giant pothole outside of the theater; Alan is dressed like Margaret Thatcher; to acknowledge the 40th anniversary of The Beatles on Ed Sullivan, Paul struggles to do an Ed impression; Anderson Cooper vents about his recent attack in Egypt; Elton John brags about his newly adopted baby; Elton and Leon Russell performed "Hey Ahab."moreless
Several jokes at the expense of injured QB Brett Favre; another bewildering satellite chat with Mike Singletary; Seth Meyers discusses farming, football, and the upcoming midterms; Taylor Swift describes her creative process and performs the title track from her disc "Speak Now."
Al Norwood offers Dave nude pics of Brett Favre; Dave wears a replica of Paul's Order of Canada badge; Charles Barkley discusses LeBron James and sips a cup of wheatgrass; Dave calls a woman in Ottawa to make sure the fake badge isn't sacrilege; Gary "Bababooey" Dell'Abate plugs his autobiography; Kings of Leon perform "Radioactive."moreless
More thoughts on the Chilean rescue operation; a random phone call from a guy on his roof; live via satellite, Phillies star Ryan Howard presents the Top Ten; Sean "Diddy" Combs declares that he'll be the first black man to own an NFL team, than comments on the Favre sexting scandal; Alan runs afoul of Mr. T; Emma Stone plugs Easy A and talks tattoos.moreless
Dave shares his thoughts on the rescue of the 33 Chilean miners; Joe Grossman is found trapped under the theater; Hilary Swank plays "Name That Tune" with Paul and plugs Conviction; Mike Golic and Mike Greenberg discuss baseball and Brett Favre's schlong.
Alan is dressed as a vampire; footage of Osama bin Laden hosting a morning talk show; throughout the evening, the CBS Orchestra plays songs by the recently deceased Solomon Burke; Jim Parsons shares an audition story; tonight on "People and Their Vegetables," an 8 1/2 pound ham; Geoffrey Canada promotes Waiting for "Superman"; Mark Ronson and the Business Intl. (featuring) Q-Tip and MNDR perform "Bang Bang Bang."moreless
Dave rambles on and on about cookies and obese children; tonight on "People and Their Vegetables," a four foot, 70 lb. squash; Dave grills Rachael Ray about the obesity problem; Allan Havey does stand-up; Antony and The Johnsons performed "Swanlight."
An announcement regarding the Nobel Prize for medicine; another random phone call from "Carl"; White House senior advisor David Axelrod pares down the 2012 GOP presidential hopefuls and promotes epilepsy awareness; Julie Chen plugs "The Talk" and discusses her baby daughter.
Dave apologizes to Rachael Ray in advance of the Friday show that was taped on Monday; former British Prime Minister Tony Blair promotes his autobiography and fields a few political questions; tonight on "People and Their Vegetables," a 10-ounce radish; Mavis Staples and Jeff Tweedy perform a cover of CCR's "Wrote A Song For Everyone."moreless
In light of the Katy Perry controversy, more inappropriate footage from "Sesame Street"; the Flying Karamazov Brothers appear briefly; The Town star Blake Lively describes how she started an elaborate prank on her boyfriend; Michael C. Hall explains what makes "Dexter" tic; Drake performed "Show Me a Good Time."
Dave gets stumped when an audience member asks him what his favorite Beatles song is; tonight's Top Ten is sponsored by Litter Kwitter; Tom Selleck discusses avocado farming and plugs "Blue Bloods"; another audience member (Jay Johnson) introduces Dave to his mom; New York Times senior editor Janet Elder promotes her book "Huck"; Tired Pony performed "Dead American Writers."moreless
Footage of the Lincoln Memorial standing up and walking away; another inane chat with "Mike Singletary"; Jon Stewart promotes The Rally to Restore Sanity and compares Glenn Beck to Bobby "The Brain" Heenan; Dave finally explains the origins of the Oprah feud; German Fonzie drops by; N.E.R.D. performed "Hypnotize U."
A clip of Dave in the new horror movie Devil; Jose Fuentes and his dog Carrie dance once more; Shia LaBoeuf plugs Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps and shares a story about Oliver Stone; Brian Regan does some stand-up; Jimmy Eat World performed "My Best Theory."
A clip of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad imitating Oprah; following the dancing dog and the dancing pony, Dave introduces a dancing (twitching?) blue and gold macaw; 18 months after his bizarre sitdown, a clean-shaven Joaquin Phoenix lets Dave in on the joke and promotes his "documentary" I'm Still Here; in his first LS appearance in 15-plus years, Tom Jones performed "Burning Hell."moreless
Doctored footage of Christine O'Donnell in an Indiana Jones movie; Alec Baldwin wanders in to tape a satellite interview for a CBS affilate; Simon Baker blushes when Dave presents a clip of "The Mentalist" star in an early '90s music video; Jose Fuentes and his dancing dog Carrie get an encore; Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi plays down the drinking and fighting culture of "Jersey Shore"; Maroon 5 performed "Misery."moreless
Footage of buzzards swooping up a tennis player; Ellen DeGeneres presents the Top Ten; Katie Holmes shares an embarassing story involving Vicks Vaporub and plugs The Romantics; Alan promotes the new CBS sitcom "Bleep My Dad Says" in a very blunt manner; Rick Harrison of "Pawn Stars" explains the tricks of the trade.moreless
Dave describes drinking wheat grass; another weird phone call; Donald Trump puts his foot down on the so-called "Ground Zero mosque" and discusses foreign policy; "SportsNation" host Michelle Beadle talks about her home state of Texas; in their network television debut, Jukebox the Ghost performed "Schizophrenia."
Footage of Hurricane Earl striking Larry King; Dave appears in a made-for-TV movie about the NYC bedbug crisis; Michael Douglas candidly discusses his battle with throat cancer; Dave meets "Ox, the survivalist wilderness expert" (Joe Grossman); climate change expert Bill McKibben plugs his new book.
Stagehand Gene Szymanski interrupts Dave's monologue to mention he's trapped in a mine in Chile; doctored footage of a shirtless Larry King and a movie-quoting Tony Blair; Henry Winkler is spotted in the audience; Jack Hanna introduces Dave to a porcupine, two red-ruffed lemers, a lion cub, and an adult cheetah; Jamey Johnson performed "Lonely at the Top."moreless